Being openly childfree has connected me to some super awesome people. Not just online, but in real life, which is not something to take for granted these days.
While most people who know me have a clear understanding that I won’t be having children, I never really discussed the matter with strangers. Like most childfree people, I figured it’s none of their business.
And it’s true. It isn’t.
However, my personality is one that wants to express and express loudly. To stay silent on a topic that means more and more to me as the days go by, felt wrong.
I’ve always felt out of place and it dawned on me that since I’m already living a "not normal" life and possess this "hear me roar" attitude-why not talk about being childfree.
No one else is.
Any person who doesn’t have kids is aware of all the standard responses that people with children spew out.
Plus all the unsolicited advice.
I used to have a bunch of responses handy to use, depending on the person spewing.
Now, I hand out business cards that have “childfree lifestyle” written on the back.
As a woman, I get asked about my kids all the time.
“ I have chosen to be childfree,” I say, with pride.
The conversation then goes whichever direction it’s gonna go. But here’s the thing....
There’s always someone listening.
Most of the time, the initial conversation is between me and a person who has kids. I state my choice to be childless for the benefit of someone else within earshot.
What’s happening is someone will come up to me after and tell me that they too are childfree or thinking about it.
I’m learning that my natural blabbermouth tendencies can be of service to others in this particular area. Occasionally, a female celebrity such as Oprah or Tracee Ellis Ross or Jennifer Aniston will speak up about not having children.
But it’s rarely a major topic of continuous discussion. And I need this continuous discussion. Because it’s valid and important.
When 99.9% of society is geared towards furthering the human race, it’s easy to get caught up in the commonplace. It looks happy and there is a great community-a place to belong.
I suppose because I have never felt like I belong anywhere, it’s easier for me to embrace my differences as a childfree woman and speak out. I feel happier and full of purpose since I began writing and sharing my stories.
I interact with strangers on a different level, because we all just want to be heard and seen. We all want our choices to be validated and honestly, with all the shit that people are talking about these days, being childfree is still not mainstream.
It’s not considered normal. To be fair, it isn’t normal. And that’s OK. I was not meant to be normal.
I have the ability and desire and resources to create my own platform, to help and connect with others who feel strongly that parenthood is not for them.
I’ve asked my aunts and various other childfree relatives about their own experiences. I scour the Internet for other women and men who don’t want children. There are many out there. Some have created blogs and podcasts like Childfree Loudmouths .
It’s a very tiny market right now. But it’s growing.
There are enough children being brought into this world. Those who do not want children have the time and resources to create things that can help the younger generations flourish.
It’s not about being selfish. I am not afraid to be forgotten, I don’t hold the illusion that my kids would look after me in my old age because they wouldn’t.
Not everyone wants to have kids. There is a place for all of us. And we get to live great lives.
Even if it doesn’t involve babies.
Have a lovely day.
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist