Thursday, August 1, 2019

Happy International Childfree Day


Good Day, Bitchy Readers!

Happy International Childfree Day!  (August 1)

Did you know this was an actual day? This is relatively new info to me as well. 

It seems only fitting that I make the following two announcements. If you follow me on social media, they will come as no surprise. 

THE BITCHY BOOKKEEPER JOURNALS    

 (On Instagram @childfreejournals)

A new series of paperback journals designed for the childfree community. Volume 1 & 2 now available on most Amazon marketplaces. 

Just type The Bitchy Bookkeeper into the search bar. Be sure to select your country's Amazon page for best shipping rates. 

The link above takes you to my website where you can see more details about the journal. Amazon gives you a sneak peek inside as well. 

I've been journaling for 24 years now and own 21 journals. In the back of my mind, I always loved the idea of creating my own brand of journals but it seemed like a pipedream. 

June 23rd- I felt a bolt of inspiration. I didn't tell anyone. I was going to see if creating a childfree-themed journal was possible. 

3 weeks later, I had a proof copy in my hands. 

July 21st- Journal # 1 became available on Amazon and started selling. Journal 2 was published a few days later. 

August 1- I've had a handful of messages from women who are loving their new journals!

Journal # 3 is in production right now. 

Covers 1 & 2 make me laugh. The invoice fine print!!


Volume 2-dedicated to all the childfree women I’ve met in real life and online. 


Interior





139 lined pages with watermark, for your thoughts, rants, and dreams. 


11 pages with unique quotes about being childfree. Each volume has a different set of quotes. 


I share 11 personal stories to entertain you throughout the journal as well. Each volume as different stories.

CHILDFREE GIRLS

A new vlog for the childfree community. The first episode airs on YouTube August 11th.

CHILDFREE GIRLS YouTube  —Episodes will be posted as of Aug 11th.

Featuring:

Isabel (Colombia) 
Kristen (USA)
LeNora (Canada)


All of this has been the result of 18 hour-days for the month of July. And a year’s worth of little things that seemed questionable at the time.


So, keep dreaming big, Bitchy Readers. Don’t discount the small steps. It will make sense later why you even bothered.


Have a lovely day.



LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Actually an Author (Yay I can say this now!)
Former Fantastic Violinist 








Thursday, July 11, 2019

The Bitchy Bookkeeper Turns 1!



Good day, Bitchy Readers!

It has been a year since I began writing about being childfree. I created this blog as a way for me to speak freely about my decision. 

My original idea was to write about three topics--money, celebrities, and the childfree lifestyle. 

I have this printed on the back of my business card. Handy for when someone asks me if I plan on having children. 

I still discuss money and celebrities from time to time. 

However, writing about being childfree-by-choice has opened up a new level of living, for me.

Before creating The Bitchy Bookkeeper, I felt like an outsider when socializing. 
(My small social circle aside.) ⇐That's a tongue twister. 

Most of the women I know are mothers or have the desire to become mothers, eventually.

Scores of mommy-blogs and parenting lifestyle tips flood my social media feeds. 


Someone needs to create an algorithm for the childfree!




Instagram collab with author Kristen Tsetsi


I've spent 12 months exploring ways to create relevant childfree content. I've funded this myself, which is an incredibly scary thing.


Every day, I ask the Universe....

"umm.. is there anything else I should be doing? Because it looks like I'm sitting around doing arts and crafts all day."

In reality, I'm having fun with it. The bills are paid, so who cares if I don't have a "normal" job. I spent 12 years as a self-employed violin instructor and performer. No one expects me to have a normal job.


I worked for 6 years as an office manager and my work circumstances weren't normal either.


Bottom line-I don't do normal.

My feelings about not having/raising children have grown into a passion for connecting with other like-minded women.

It's no secret that I love my alone time. I live alone. I travel alone. I do most of my activities alone.

I embrace my solitude. I rarely go out of my way to seek new friends. 


I've gotten to know other CF women who are creating products and services designed for the childfree community. (I’ll share three of my favorite discoveries in a moment.)

It's easy to think " Oh, they're my competition" but that is not the case.

We all have our individual style and approach to sharing our message. I find value in what they share. Hopefully, some of them find value in what I share. 

We come from different parts of the world. 
Being a childfree woman in Canada isn't the same as being a childfree woman in the United States. 

For example-

Women have access to free basic health care, including abortions, here in Canada. I can go visit my doctor without worrying about the cost. I took this for granted until I learned what some other women are dealing with.

My point is that we each have stories of value to offer the childfree community. This helps spur on appropriate action for change. 

Banff National Park, Alberta Canada

The Bitchy Bookkeeper is a brand that supports the childfree & pro-choice communities.

Its purpose is to entertain and inspire. 

I keep my website and blog free of ads and pop-ups. I appreciate the need to monetize. As a woman who loves having her own money, I’m all for generating income.

But, I also want my Bitchy Readers to keep coming back. 


This summer I will be introducing the first Bitchy-Bookkeeper-brand product. It’s being tested out first in real life because it’s an actual physical product. 

This will be the first item for sale that results in The Bitchy Bookkeeper earning cash money.

From time to time I will also mention other childfree products & services.


Not as a way to generate income for me, but as a way to support other childfree women who are creating things of a certain quality.

By that, I mean the item resonates with me and aligns with The Bitchy Bookkeeper's intent to inspire. 


I'm not going to promote every book, course, podcast, t-shirt, etc.

I make my email address public and any legit request I get, I look into. I take the time to become familiar with the content and creator.

If I am moved by it, I'll respond.

If not, it goes into a folder for later. I'm busy and sometimes I’m not in the right mood.

I have three favorites that I wish to share with you now.

 ( In no particular order. Click on the titles to link you to the websites. )

The Age of The Child-- A novel by Kristen Tsetsi. 


My Instagram post.

I received a copy of this book and it grabbed my attention. 

The author-Kristen has crafted a story from the childfree perspective. The main character doesn't change her mind about motherhood after she becomes pregnant in a time where birth control is banned. Abortions are illegal. Miscarriages are investigated. It may be fiction but it sure sounds real, right?


The reader gets to see what happens to children born during such a time. It's the details, the dark humor, that I love best about this book.

It will kick you in the gut!  

I contacted Kristen to share with her how I felt about the story and the fate of the characters. We've since begun a fun collaboration on Instagram

She sends me questions about being childfree and I post my answers in an artistic screenshot. I posted one earlier in this blog. In case you missed it. 


Child Free Squad-Facebook group. 

Words from Child Free Squad founder-Jamie. 


"The Child Free Squad is an online community for Child Free people to connect and network. In this space I want to create the type of community that parents have with the "mom" groups but without the parental talk! Let's share laughs, advice, recipes, business information and more!!

Let's set ourselves apart and make this space different from all of the other groups out there and support the child free lifestyle!"

I discovered Child Free Squad (CFS) on Instagram. The posts made me laugh. I noticed that Jamie loves movies as much as I do so we started chatting.

What draws me to CFS is that it's real. Not some anonymous user behind a computer screen. There is a lot of positive energy and heart here.

This is important to bring to the CF community.

Yes, we love to vent and bitch about being looked down upon for not procreating. But we also need to celebrate our lives and successes and find constructive ways to fuel our rage. Hello, The Bitchy Bookkeeper. Ha!

You can find the group on Facebook. Follow the instructions on how to gain entry. I've been appointed a moderator so you can connect with me there as well.  

The Honest Uproar-podcast for the modern, childfree woman. 

" Modern, childfree women share their life stories and discuss important topics for the kidfree community."

Isabel-Founder & Firebrand (a term I've just discovered⬌a person who is passionate about a particular cause, typically inciting change and taking radical action.)


I received an email asking if I'd be interested in being interviewed on The Honest Uproar podcast. I found it on Spotify and loved the vibe of the introductory episode. 

I ended up listening to all of them.  

Isabel interviews CF women from around the world. She has a warm interview style and each woman speaks so openly about their life. As I listened, I felt this awesome sense of connection. Even with diverse life circumstances, I could identify with each woman, including Isabel. 

Hearing how they navigate through life as CF women was enlightening. 

I'll post a link to my interview when it airs. Better yet, you can subscribe to the podcast and listen to all the awesome childfree women!


               
                                           *************

There you have it, Bitchy Readers. Three CF creations that resonate deeply with me. 

It's hard to pinpoint why certain things/people click with you and why certain things/people don't. Sometimes you get an inner nudge to check something out or contact a person. 

Ideas form and collaborations begin. Nothing forced, just natural. It's the greatest. 

Thank you to everyone who has supported The Bitchy Bookkeeper in any capacity over these past 12 months. 

Have a lovely day!


Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper (neither of these things, but I know how to be, haha)
Almost an Author  (getting closer now!)
Former Fantastic Violinist (practicing again)


Thursday, June 20, 2019

When Oprah Speaks





Hello, Bitchy Readers.

Last night I sat in a packed arena listening to Oprah Winfrey speak as only Oprah Winfrey can. 

My brother and I had tickets for the nosebleed section but when we arrived early, we got upgraded to floor seats. 

"You get a free upgrade and YOU get a free upgrade!"

We wandered around the club level for a while before making our way onto the floor.  

It was a party atmosphere.

A lot of women with wine dancing to BeyoncĂ© in the aisles. 

I don't drink but I'm sure I got drunk off the alcohol fumes permeating the air. 

The floor seats are so close together you can't help but get to know your neighbors. Lucky for me I sat beside a cute couple. We got to chatting about where we grew up and certain life experiences we've faced. 

For me, it was a nice reminder that every single human being has a story. The details may be different, but the underlying feelings are the same. 

You can bond with a stranger over a shared feeling. 


Japanese Gardens
(I took a day trip on Monday to visit these Japanese Gardens 2 hours south from where I live.)



The entire stadium rose to greet Oprah when she walked out on stage. She wore a beautiful floor-length white dress. She looked amazing. 

We were sitting in row 16 so I could actually see her. 

To me, the atmosphere was calm and cozy, despite 18,000 people in attendance.

Oprah doesn't need flash and hype. She's very grounded and seems approachable. 

Even when sharing a story about how she once told the pilot to turn the plane around mid-flight so she could visit her dying mother. 


 "You can do that when you own the plane" she said, to laughter. 


Oprah has a gift for weaving her poor beginnings into her enormous success without making you feel less than. You can tell she appreciates everything she has. 

My favourite story she shared involved her b/f Stedman. 

He was complaining to her that someone had called him "Oprah Winfrey's Boyfriend" instead of his actual name, Stedman Graham.

She told the audience that she let him calm down for a while before reminding him that yes, she IS Oprah Winfrey and yes, he IS her boyfriend.  


She told him that she was not going to shine less just so that he could shine more


APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE


She told us that she spoke from a place of love and not fear which made all the difference in that conversation. 


I've only had one long-term relationship and I remember the days when I spoke from a place of fear. I hated that feeling. 

Writing helps me to deal with feelings. To explore and express how I feel.  

Oprah is an inspirational figure to me. 

Not because she isn't a mother, but because she was inspired to create a platform where she can be herself. 



Have you ever gotten asked this question:



" What's the point of your life if you aren't married and don't have kids?"



I saw that question a few days ago, again, on social media. It can feel like a personal attack if you aren’t ready for it. 



The title of Oprah's speaking tour is called "Your Path Made Clear", after her new book which is going to benefit The Oprah Winfrey Boys & Girls Club in Mississippi where she's from. 

I just Googled the facility and it's impressive. 

Anyway, having a clear path for your life. 

Knowing what you want to do and what it is you came here to do. 

Imagine. 

I grew up religious so my "path" was to follow the bible exactly as it was "written" and don't question a thing. 

That didn't happen. 

When I was 12, after years of music lessons ( piano and violin), I decided I was going to grow up to be a professional violinist and teacher. That's as far as I could see my life. 

I did have a 10-year career and then I felt I had hit the ceiling. ( I began teaching full-time at 15.)

At 26, my path became very muddy. I had no idea where I was going. 

I'd say it has taken another 10 years to get to where I am now, seeing another path for myself. 

And it's actually merging everything I've wanted to do since I was a child. 

Entertain people. Via music, public speaking, or writing. 

As I sat in the audience watching Oprah--a 65-year-old woman who has created such an empire, I thought how cool it is to witness someone doing what they love. 

Her energy filled the stadium. 




I love my alone time. My solo travels. Singing to myself in my vehicle as I cruise the mountain roads. Even cooking dinner in my kitchen. Those moments fill me up. 

And then I have so much energy to give out. 

But I don't want to give it out at random. I don't want to give my energy away to a societal expectation like being a mother. 

I want to give it to people who are looking to feel better about life. I want everyone in the world to feel like life is worth living. That you don't have to do the same thing that has been done. 


As your life progresses you begin to understand its deeper meaning. If you ignore it, life gets really hard until it forces you to stop and take a look at yourself. 

I know this because it has happened to me. 


I love to talk and share life experiences. I'm an open book, you can ask me anything. I'm discovering the power of sharing because it turns out, most of us have common feelings about the same things. And then you don't feel like you're alone. 

Like not wanting to have kids. 


Isn't it a great feeling when you meet someone else who doesn't want kids? 


Or when you realize that visiting your hometown makes you feel all those icky feelings you had as a teenager. 

We can surround ourselves with dozens of people. Have a massive social group and yet no one really knows how you feel inside about the smallest of things. 


Those small things seem insignificant but they aren't. Chances are, most people feel the same way but no one ever says anything about it. The next time you meet a stranger, mention something in passing about how you feel if you're making small talk. You may find some common ground. 



Oprah acknowledges that she is still on her journey and learning more about her place in this world.

She also says that life begins at 50. Which is great to know because I'm turning 37 in December and I don't worry about my age at all. 

I don't wish to trade places with anyone else. I am me. I'm discovering all that I can do and I'm willing to put myself out there in a manner that suits me. 

Somedays it definitely feels like a gamble--that maybe I should give up and take a safer route but that would mean betraying myself. 


Another good point that Oprah made last night. Standing up for yourself, in all situations. 

So, bringing this back around to choosing to remain childfree.

 I, LeNora Faye, hereby declare that I shall remain childfree-by-choice as this is the path that I've been called to. I have a lot to offer this world, even if I can't yet put it into words. I am valuable and feel at peace with where I'm at.


And I wish this for you, dear Bitchy Readers, to feel valued and at peace with where you are in life. It's always changing. 


Have a lovely day. 


Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist (although I'm starting to practice again)

Email- info@lenorafaye.com

lenorafaye.com


Sunday, June 9, 2019

If You Feel Shame for Not Having or Wanting Kids, Read This.


Good Day, Bitchy Readers. 


First of all, if you are experiencing feelings of anxiety, guilt, shame or panic because you don't have or what children....let me give you a big, virtual hug. 

I don't randomly hug people, I believe in personal space. But this morning I had an experience that was so intense, it gave me a greater awareness into how some of you may be feeling.  

And I want to tell you that your life will be OK. 


So here's what happened. 

Sunday morning is a sacred time for me. Not because I go to church or anything. I grew up going to church 3 times a week. Nowadays I don't believe in religion or the Bible. I never got energy from either. 

I believe in connection with a creative force that is beyond any understanding.

I like to open all my windows and let the sunshine into my house. This morning I watched two motivational videos and wrote in one of my many journals. I wrote to feel at peace with where I'm at in my life. 

I wrote with the intention of being inspired to do more with my life. 

I then sat in silence, drinking my coffee and gazing out the bay window of my living room. I felt that I had to meditate. To ask for a sign that my life is on the right track. 

Today, however, I  felt nervous about asking for a sign. Like I knew I should ask for one but I really didn't want to see a sign.

I never feel this way. 

I went upstairs to my 3rd level office. I left my phone and laptop in the living room so I had no electronics on the top floor. Not even a clock.  

I decided to meditate for a minute in my office, sitting on the mini rebounder I've converted into an ottoman, with a large fluffy body pillow for my back.

I sat for a few seconds.

Palms up.

Legs stretched out, enjoying the quiet of my house. 

Outside I could hear kids playing in the school playground across from the church. I could also hear the congregation singing as the church is behind my house. 

I felt calm during my meditation.

I actually began to speak out loud all of my dreams I could see for myself. 


I'm an entertainer. 


I want to speak all over North America and I could see myself in theatres everywhere.  

San Francisco.

Vegas.

Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. Haha. 


Afterward, I went down the hall to my bedroom to make my bed. I just felt like it. The air is very dry where I live so I run a humidifier beside my bed to reduce static. I went to refill it with water and I noticed the bathroom light flickering. 

One of the bulbs burnt out. I looked at it for a moment and then the bulb came back on.

Odd, I thought. 

Something told me to see what that meant. According to Google, a spirit was trying to contact me. 

Now, I'm not the world's most sensitive person and I usually don't feel that kind of energy. I went back upstairs to finish making my bed and turn the humidifier on. 

I noticed a rip in my blanket. It's a patchwork quilt made from my late mother's sewing materials. Most of the fabric she used to make my dresses when I was a kid.

My paternal grandmother made this blanket for me after mom died.  My grandma has also since passed away so I take extra care of this blanket. It's pink and colorful and I'm using it on my bed for the warmer months. 

Anyway, I took out my needle and thread to begin repairing this one patch. 

Out of nowhere I heard a voice in my head (or felt the words, it's hard to explain). 


"I have to have a baby."


I ignored it at first and then over the course of a minute, the feeling intensified. 

I was like, what the fuck do you mean I have to have a baby. 

No, I don't. 


My skin grew hot.


My heart began to pound. Chest pains.


Suddenly I was having trouble breathing. 


I put down my needle and thread and had both hands flat on my bed. I tried to look out my bedroom bay window and everything was spinning. 

It felt like someone was screaming inside of me


"YOU HAVE TO HAVE A BABY!!!"


Over and over again. 


I don't have panic attacks but I realized this was a panic attack. 

What was going on here? 

Did I have to have a baby?

My body was feeling ill. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to jump out a window. I was shaking. My heart was going to explode. I didn't know what was happening. 


My instincts kicked in and I began to whisper...


"You DON'T have to have a baby."


I repeated this over and over again. 


"You DON'T have to have a baby."

I kept saying this softly until my body began to calm down.


I remember thinking about my new IUD. I'm not having it taken out. I'm not even sleeping with anyone right now. 

I realized this wasn't about me. I was feeling the intense shame and guilt and anxiety that women all over the world are feeling. 

It was horrid. I could barely move. 

I've been pretty lucky in my life to feel strong and confident about my choice to not have kids. 

But I've met women who aren't so lucky. 

As I said, I don't get panic attacks. I don't suffer from depression or anxiety. I have felt depressed and anxious, yes, but I don't suffer from it. 

The feeling passed as I repeated over and over again   

"You don't have to have a baby."


My body returned to its normal calm state. I resumed my sewing. 


Well, I got my sign, I thought to myself. I never want to ask for another one again. That hurt like hell. No wonder I felt nervous about asking. 

The light in the bathroom stopped flickering. 

The energy was gone. 

I am on the right path. 

I am here to tell you, you don't have to have a baby. 


So, I send you a hug, wherever you are.

If you are feeling like you cannot live until you have a child or give in to the pressure you feel to have one, hang in there. 

The truth is you can bring life into this world that has nothing to do with a baby

You are more than your uterus.

 Yes, society praises motherhood, so much so that all the negative stuff gets covered up with: 

"But it's all worth it in the end."

If you are feeling that deep panic, that endless anxiety, having a child will not ease that. 

Listen to yourself. Connect with your higher self, whatever you believe. 

Something that is good and pure and right for you will not cause you that panic. 

Being childfree is a gift. 

Your life is useful and valuable. It may take you longer to find your purpose compared to your friends who are basing their lives on school schedules and baby's sleep schedule. 

That's OK. Keep focused, life will support you. 

You can and will lead a satisfying and fulfilled existence. 


Have a lovely day.


Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist

lenorafaye.com











Friday, May 24, 2019

Abortion Laws and TV Finales






Hello, Bitchy Readers. 


It's been a week since The Big Bang Theory series finale aired and 5 days since the Game of Thrones series finale, but I'll issue a spoiler alert anyway.


The events from last week, both on TV and in real life, set off a chain reaction in my life. First up, reading about the restrictive abortion laws being created in the U.S.

I did my own research to get more information because I never trust social media to be accurate. 


In the province of Alberta where I live, we elected a new government last month. 
The government that won played on the emotions of those in need of jobs. Sounds familiar, right?

I didn't vote for this party. I voted for the party I had voted against in the previous election.


Does that make sense?

In 2015, the party that won the election was a surprise. I didn't vote for them, but this year, I did. Because that party is pro-choice. And I came to like the leader. She wasn't perfect, but women's rights were a priority.


I researched the members of this newly-elected government. Most of them are anti-abortion. White and anti-abortion.

I don't like to play the race card, I'm half white, half black. Equal opportunity here. I'm born and raised in this province and have experienced racism from kindergarten to high school.


As an adult, I haven't had many issues with racism. No one can guess my ethnic background anyway.

I do experience sexism from certain cultures that aren't used to seeing a woman on her own, without a husband and child in tow. Certain cultures don't understand that women are free here in Canada. I can tell you some unsettling interactions I've had, even in a shopping mall. I avoid certain parts of this big city I live in because of it.


Nothing violent, but definitely an unwelcome vibe.


Canada is a pro-choice country. Abortions are legal and paid for by our health care system if you have a health care card. Our basic public health care is free.


The government, both federal and provincial have said that they will not reopen the abortion debate in this country.

Even the anti-abortion government we just elected.


But I noticed something as I was researching the party. There is an anti-abortion group that has been working to get this party in power. With the hope of convincing the governments to restrict access to abortions.

This is not in mainstream media because right now this is not a big issue. Getting the economy back on track is a big issue.

But to me, women's rights are a massive issue. And I can't assume that my rights and freedoms are written in stone forever and always.
Not with what's happening in the United States. 

I felt annoyed and frustrated and determined all at once, as I sat on my couch, reading the news. 


So, in my limited power, what could I do to help make a difference, to make my voice a little louder?


I have always been openly pro-choice. While I've never had a pregnancy scare, I knew where I could go if I had to terminate a pregnancy. There is one private clinic in my city that specializes in abortions and miscarriages.

Aha moment!


Were they hiring???


I went to the clinic website and sure enough, there was a job posting for an office position.

Perfect.

I haven't had to work for anyone for two years now. I've had two different careers in my life so far. Violinist/music teacher, and office manager.


My previous job ended in 2017 when the owners retired and closed the company. Since then, I've had enough money to travel, write, take a year-long bookkeeping course, and discover what really matters to me.


I was now in a moment where I realized what mattered to me.


Freedom.


Not only my freedom, as a childfree by choice woman, but the freedom of women the world over. Freedom to choose if they want to become mothers or not. To be single and have a lover or two or whatever. Male or female. Trans or cis. To marry who they want to marry if they want to marry.


The freedom to be open about who they are.


So I applied for the job. I have an interview in two weeks.


I'm very excited and hopeful. I want to contribute to the pro-choice community on a local level. In my city. In my province, and in my country. I have big dreams, the seeds are planted.


Online, this blog reaches the US, several countries in Europe, Australia, and New Zealand. I occasionally see stats for Asian countries but I haven't received any messages from anyone living in those countries.


By the way, wherever you live, I love to hear from you. My email is

info@lenorafaye.com


And now, to discuss the series finale of two of my favorite shows.


I've enjoyed The Big Bang Theory for years. It's a light-hearted show that I don't have an emotional connection to. Until Penny made it clear that she didn't really want to have kids.


Then I was like:

 "YES! A childfree couple on TV. Keep drinking your wine, girl!"


But as I sat on my couch, with my popcorn, I felt this sense of dread. Sure enough, after a night of drinking, Penny got pregnant.


I had plenty to say on Twitter about that. So far, that tweet is my most-liked and retweeted tweet ever. I love my 200 followers.


(insert my laughter here)


My Twitter handle is @glassviolin, by the way. It's old, from my violin days.


I'm on Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook. The Bitchy Bookkeeper, all public, you can follow me if you want to see lots of original childfree memes. I document different aspects of my childfree life. 

I'm also documenting my first year having an IUD. I've now had it for 3 months. So far so good. Aside from cramping.


Anyway, back to Penny's pregnancy. I know it was meant to be a sweet moment, to bring the character storyline full circle.

But it felt so icky to me. 

Because since I was 16, all I've heard is:

 "Oh just wait, you will change your mind."


Flippant pregnancy storylines only reinforce stereotypes.


I know several women who didn't want children, only to find themselves pregnant. They adapt and adopt the cult-like attitude of every parent out there.

(Except my brother. He has two accidental kids, raises them full time, loves them but doesn't promote parenting as the greatest thing ever.)

Penny gave a few sarcastic lines in regards to her pregnancy and then spent some time vomiting in the hotel bathroom.


*Sigh*


I was already fired up about women's rights and this didn't help. I couldn't enjoy the finale. Even if it's just a TV show. 

What's wrong with deciding to not have kids? Penny could easily afford an IUD on her pharma rep salary. 

After I tweeted my disappointment, someone commented on how everyone just wants to have a baby to love. 

No, not everyone, sorry. 

I loved my nephews when they were babies, I love them now. But I don't want a baby of my own.

On a positive note, neither Sansa nor Arya Stark became pregnant in the series finale of Game of Thrones.

This final season was disappointing for a few reasons, but at least the Stark sisters made it out alive and were able to choose their destinies.


Praise be!


Oh, sorry, I've started watching The Handmaid's Tale.


Ha!


Have a lovely day.


Sincerely,


LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist


Sunday, May 12, 2019

A Non-Mom Sunday In May



Good day, Bitchy Readers.


I usually avoid social media on Mother’s Day. I used to post something obligatory about my late mother.

Posting about anything other than the joys of motherhood seemed wrong.

Ok, wrong is a harsh word. Inappropriate? No. I can’t think of the word that means taking away attention from someone else’s big day. It’s still early in the morning as I write this.

These days, I use my social media to support the childfree-by-choice community. Mother’s Day triggers a lot of eye rolling. Not at the efforts of mothers, but at the sentiment that motherhood is the highest purpose a woman can have.

When I set aside my squeamishness, I appreciate that the female body can create and birth life. But it’s not every woman’s path.

Since becoming active on social, I’ve thought a lot about what to post for Mother’s Day. If I should post anything at all. I’m not a fur mom. I’m close with my two nephews but I don’t view them as substitute children.

My grandmothers are gone. My three surviving aunts are also childfree. My mother and I weren’t close but we were friends by the time she passed.

I never went looking for a mother figure. My view of mothers never inspired me. I had a good mother. She stayed at home to raise my brother and me. Our dad ran a successful business.

My parents set the bar for marriage so high that I don’t know if I want to make that attempt.

My parents didn’t come from happy homes and they worked hard to create a harmonious environment. But I’m my own person and didn’t follow along to blend in. My brother was a better child.

And now he has two accidental children of his own. A single dad to boys. They live with him full time.

I’m not looking for a way to celebrate Mother’s Day. I love my peaceful Sundays. As I sip my morning coffee, I look out my balcony to the church behind my townhouse. I grew up religious. We met in select homes for our Sunday and Wednesday services. Churches were for false prophets.

These days, I view churches as peaceful. Not because I believe in religion. I’m agnostic now. A large cross (a cell tower in disguise) greets me when I look out my home office bay window. The sunrise and sunset make it glow

I find the view comforting. It also makes me laugh, considering my upbringing.

But I digress.

Motherhood is a real thing. It’s valued, admired, underappreciated in a real way. There are plenty of pretty prose about the joys of motherhood. I like reading mommy confession websites. Where the truth comes out.

My epiphany happened at 22 years old. My mother died that year. My 19-year-old brother announced his ex-girlfriend was pregnant with his child. My focus was on my violin career and I had rejoined my childhood religion.

There was a lot going on.

And then it occurred to me that I had a choice.



I did not have to be a mother.
That was 14 years ago.

So today, like every day, I celebrate my choice to be childfree. I live life on my terms. I celebrate being alive in a time where I can be open about how I live and why.

I’m also super excited for tonight’s penultimate episode of Game of Thrones.

That is what made me not dread this Mother’s Day. Maybe Cersei will get her due. Or maybe she’s meant for the Iron Throne.

Not my preference.


Have a lovely day.

Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author 
Former Fantastic Violinist 

Keep in touch, send me an 
email

Thursday, April 25, 2019

Your Childfree Journey


Good day, Bitchy Readers.

Do you ever feel like a broken record when people ask you about your kids?

“I don’t have kids” you reply. 

“Why not?” they ask.

You give them whatever answer is handy. A week later, the same conversation occurs. Month after month. Year after year. 

Family. Friends. Co-workers. Strangers. 

Argh! Do people not have anything else or original to discuss? 

I get it.

I have friends with kids. Most of the conversation is about what the kids are up to. Parents don’t have anything going on that doesn’t involve their children.  

Unless they have nannies and a thriving career outside of their home. 

I stopped following on Instagram most celebrities who became parents. I’m interested in motivating posts about careers, not motherhood. 

This is how I feel on the surface. My shallow emotions. 

Deep down, I'm motivated to create a global platform. One that brings awareness to living childfree.

I could have gotten married in my 20s. Several times. Many nice guys who had marriage and family on the brain. I had no interest. I liked men but I had to explore my sexuality a lot more. 

At 36, I’m not interested in being a wife. To a man or a woman. I have embraced my desire and need for massive amounts of alone time.

I’ve embraced my role as auntie to my two nephews. 

I had a busy week. I took a last minute road trip to a mountain village I had never been to. Then I came home and hosted Easter dinner. My brother left his two kids with me for a couple of nights.

The nephews and I had a fun time. We stayed up late watching movies. We spent hours at the park. Got Slurpees, ate too much popcorn, and discussed all sorts of things about life. 

Then, I drove an hour to take them back home. And cleaned up the two bathrooms they used. Boys are gross. Even though they try to keep the toilets clean. Auntie’s house rules. Ha. 

My en-suite bathroom is off limits. For my use only. 

If you are a fencesitter or you know that you don’t want kids, focus on what brings you joy. 

It’s easy to be in defense mode because everyone wants to convert you. 

“Join our cult of parenthood”, they cry. 

There are happy parents who enjoy parenting. There are exhausted parents who love their kids but hate parenting. There are parents who lie and say how great life is. They like being seen as loving parents but that’s about it. 

You never know who you’re dealing with. The truth comes out later on.

After focusing on my nephews for over two days straight, I know I would not enjoy parenting. Yes, I would adapt and there would be aspects that I’d like, probably. 

Even in my toughest times, there is always something to enjoy. But this is my one life. 

This is your one life.

“What makes you so important that you won’t have kids?” 

Questions like these are not really about you. Rather, they speak to the mindset of those asking. Sometimes you offend people by sharing your childfree preference. 

Secure people will be supportive. That was a nice discovery. Because I speak openly about not having kids, I get a wide variety of feedback.

Some parents see the appeal. Some are horrified at me not having kids. Some have become open-minded that parenthood isn’t for everyone.  A lot of parents will say “parenthood isn’t for everyone, but.......” and give you a long list of reasons why they are glad they did it.

Most of society won't call you brave for deciding to not procreate. Society gives the bravery badge to those who speak out about infertility, miscarriages, and the stresses of parenthood. 

Choosing to not have kids is seen as selfish, lazy, and uninspired. Your reasons for being childfree fall on deaf ears. All of your efforts to better yourself and your life are deemed meaningless. Even by people who say they love you. 

There are moments when you will feel alone and unsure. But you know it's best for you. You don't have that pull, that calling, that longing to have a child. Talking about being childfree has been one of the best things I have ever done. A community has opened up. It has also allowed me to let go of certain people in my life. 

Speaking up for yourself and your life brings an adjustment period. But then, there is freedom. Freedom to make choices that better your life. Choosing for yourself builds confidence. Confidence will take you great places. 

Have a lovely day. 

Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist

Keep in touch, send me an 
email