Monday, February 17, 2020

From Guilt to Peace Being Childfree




Hi, Bitchy Readers! 

I'd like to begin with a message from my Instagram inbox, shared with permission. 

"Last Christmas I met a friend that I hadn't seen for a few years. We caught up and I told her I didn't feel capable of being happy raising children. She's a mother of two and she said to me "Honey, you don't need to make your life complicated". I really appreciated her understanding and acceptance and I feel less guilty. I used to feel very guilty for feeling overwhelmed by the thought of having children. I just needed to accept that I didn't want to put up with all the things that come along with children. So, I often remind myself that it is OK to keep my life simple." 


Thank you to my friend for letting me share her thoughts. This touches on something I rarely write about: guilt for not wanting kids. 

As I grow to appreciate and connect deeper with myself, I'm grateful I didn't cave to the pressure of having kids. Guilt has not been a part of my childfree experience but I recognize that many people do feel it. 

I've been meditating a lot recently. This is something I do when I go into survival mode. Those moments when I have no clear answer or direction. Last weekend, I stood at the kitchen sink while listening to an affirmation video on YouTube. 

An idea came to me. 

What about meditations specifically for childfree people? 

Whether you are decidedly childfree or still unsure, leveling up on your confidence and inner peace is always beneficial. 


Before you tell me that meditating isn't your thing, I'll mention that these videos are super easy. I guide you through the 5 minutes. You can keep your eyes closed or watch the scenic images on the screen. 

Meditating creates a space free of judgment and worry. New ideas can flow to you and your body relaxes. 



Check out the Bitchy Bookkeeper Youtube channel for all 3 meditation videos and the Childfree Affirmations video. Don't forget to subscribe!
"This is your life. This is your choice. You can have a wonderful, loving, fulfilled and content, childfree life."

Paperback Journals for the childfree community

Chat soon,


LeNora Faye

Guest childfree blog posts are always welcome.
Contact us at:  info at lenorafaye dot com


Wednesday, February 5, 2020

Childfree-by-Choice Gratitude




Hi, Bitchy Readers! 

This week's guest blog is from Janine-aka JLuxe. An empowering read about her childfree awakening. Enjoy! 

Hey there! My name is Janine and I identify as a childfree-by-choice woman. This decision was made two years ago. Previously, I considered having children. Why? Well, it was because I wasn’t aware of alternative options. 

Deciding to birth babies appeared to be the default mode in life for many, so I assumed that I’d take a similar path. Yes, I thought about what it would be like as a mother, but it was a romanticized version of motherhood. The edited kind of motherhood that you see online in movies and on TV.

The ending of a three-year connection sparked a new thought within me. I was in a relationship with a man that thought he was being complimentary when stating that I’d be a good mother to “his” children. “That’s it? That’s all you see in me?” was my response.

He seemed puzzled. He didn’t understand why that wasn’t enough for me. My desire to be recognized for my ability to create via words and visuals was more important to me than being a good mother to “his” children. Although I enjoyed his ambition and confidence, I knew the role he envisioned for me wouldn’t suffice.
                                                        

Following that awakening, I searched for information regarding those who didn’t desire children. During that quest, I found lists that detailed the rewards of being childfree. I also stumbled upon the confessional section featured on the Scary Mommy website. This is when the veil regarding motherhood lifted for me. The confessions submitted on the site are anonymous so mothers are safe to express their real feelings. While reading the confessions, there was a sense of being overworked, unappreciated and unfulfilled. Some mothers dealt with their realities by succumbing to addictions to food and alcohol. The comments confirmed that being childfree by choice was the right choice for me. 

Fortunately, the CF bingos I have experienced are minimal. One mother exclaimed “Oh! When you meet the right guy you’ll change your mind!” This insight was offered after I shared that I didn’t want children. That situation evoked emotions of not being seen or heard by others.

Despite the occasional bingo, I am grateful to be childfree by choice. It is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. My schedule allows me to explore varied interests, study new languages and attend events I enjoy. You know what else? I’m more comfortable being myself now that I’ve embraced my decision. Accepting myself has empowered me to attend a ComicCon, a Naked Magicians show, and various Holistic Health festivals. Yep! All of the aforementioned events represent an aspect of myself.







Thankfully, I exist in a time where it is easier to learn of other CF folks; those who are willing to share their stories via various social media platforms and books. I appreciate those who have shared their truth because it has given me the courage to glorify my own!


Janine Jackson aka JLuxe
https://www.linkedin.com/in/janine-jackson/


Paperback journals for the childfree community!


Thank you, Janine, for sharing your story!  So many can identify with the desire to experience something more. I remember when I stumbled upon the mommy confession boards. Yikes. Not just the confessions about motherhood but the confessions about the state of their relationships. Nothing is easy, but if you don't feel compelled to live the status quo..follow your instincts. 

If you'd like to share your childfree story, please email 

info at lenorafaye dot com


Your story can be anonymous if desired. 


Chat soon, 


LeNora Faye
The Bitchy Bookkeeper
1/3 co-host of Childfree Girls web series.
https://childfreejournals.com
https://youtube.com/c/childfreegirls





Wednesday, January 15, 2020

The Awkward Infertile




Hello, Bitchy Readers! 

Today I have the pleasure of introducing Casey, aka The Awkward Infertile, as our first guest blogger. Read her wonderful post below! 






Sometimes the choice to be childfree isn’t a direct path. I know most of the readers in the Bitchy Bookkeeper community have never had the desire to have kids and I commend you for knowing that. I’m here for a slightly different demographic today. Those that thought they wanted kids but ended up without (and those sitting on the fence might appreciate this too). Often we refer to ourselves as “childfree not by choice.”

That’s the category I fit in. My husband and I went through a ton of failed fertility treatments and after 3+ years, 4 losses, and an obscene amount of money we decided to move on in life childfree not by choice. It’s been just shy of 2 years since we made that decision and I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.

First, I want to take a second and talk about the “childfree not by choice” label. 


You see this term a lot in the infertility communities as a way to acknowledge we can’t have kids. I recently started an Instagram community called The Awkward Infertile. In one of my posts I mentioned, I’m childfree not by choice and immediately got a commenter saying that’s not a thing, I’m just childless. Which is also true, I am childless just like ya’ll. We use this term to show that it’s ok to end treatments without a kid. That maybe we didn’t choose to be childfree, but we’re ok with it. 

Childless implies loss and sadness. 

Childfree implies freedom and fun. 

Childfree not be choice implies I didn’t outright pick this but I’m gonna love life despite it.

I found Bitchy Bookkeeper on Instagram when we were getting near the end of our treatment options and I was rapidly facing a life without kids. I found humor and reassurance that life would be just fine without kids. I know I’m not the only infertile that follows her either.

As I followed her and others in the childfree community something clicked for me:


Having kids vs not having kids isn’t an equation of a better vs worse life. They are just two completely different paths.








Once that really settled into my brain I became so much more at ease, and dare I say, excited about not having kids. Sure, I still grieve my miscarriages and wonder about the life we’d planned. But now we have 2 amazing dogs, I run 2 businesses I love, and we’re looking at doing a cross-country move simply because we can.

There are different freedoms and life options that come from not deciding things with tiny humans to consider.

The house we currently live in was picked thinking we’d have 3 kids and we wanted to raise them in this town. I doubt we would have bought this house if we knew we were never having kids. The freedom for me to build my businesses, nap and play with my dogs as I work from home, and for us to pick a new city to move to all would not be possible if infertility treatments had worked for us.


The grand point I’m trying to make is life will be ok no matter the outcome. If you’re still on the fence about having kids, or if you’re neck-deep in infertility treatments looking for hope when treatment options run out, I’m here to tell you: life without kids is good. 


As I have learned to embrace our childfree life, I realize there are not a lot of resources for those in the infertility world that either doesn’t end up with a baby or that mostly focused on the grief.

I want to create a space and voice for those women who made the choice to be childfree after having had other plans. I want to create a space where we can also celebrate and enjoy the perks of a childfree life. That’s my hope and plans for The Awkward Infertile

I know myself and my community don’t straight up fit in around here, but I’m so thankful to LeNora for letting me write this post. Sometimes the choice to be childfree isn’t a clear-cut decision we’ve known our whole lives, and that’s ok. Even if it took you a while to find yourself here it’s still gonna be a great life. 

 If you’ve struggled with infertility, are now childfree not by choice, or nearing the end of treatment options, please follow me over at instagram.com/theawkwardinfertile. I’m just a DM away.

Cheers to being childfree.

Casey
aka The Awkward Infertile


The Bitchy Bookkeeper Journal Vol 1 - available on Amazon now!
Thank you, Casey, for sharing your story. I'm humbled that you found some inspiration from The Bitchy Bookkeeper during a challenging time. 

Let's keep the conversation going, Bitchy Readers. Share this post on social, connect with The Awkward Infertile, and submit your own childfree journey story.

Guest post submissions can be sent to 

info at lenorafaye dot com

Chat soon, 

LeNora Faye
The Bitchy Bookkeeper
1/3 Co-host of Childfree Girls