Sunday, May 24, 2020

Feeling That Motherhood Isn't For You?

Hey there, Bitchy Readers!

If you have a feeling that motherhood isn't for you, listen to it. Explore it! 

And check out my new series called Childfreeness with LeNora Faye.  
I took a hiatus to focus on the Childfree Girls web series and podcast I co-created. But now I'm back with a lighthearted, snack-able series for The Bitchy Bookkeeper Instagram & YouTube Channel. I'll also be posting the videos and transcriptions here on the blog. 
Note: The videos are fun and catchy, so it's preferable to watch over reading transcripts, but I want this accessible to everyone. 

Below is the transcription from episode 1-The Childfree Lifestyle. 
          (Intro music) 

It’s hard when you’re 20 years old and you feel strongly that parenthood isn’t for you. And yes, you don’t have anything figured out at 20 but you just know that ‘I’m not going to pursue relationships with the intention of finding a father or a mother for my child’, right? 
 I would have loved to have had this conversation when I was young, you know, with somebody who didn’t want to have kids and chose not to.  
Can we teach this in schools? Sign me up!
I’m available. I’ll travel everywhere. I mean, when the borders reopen. I’m available on Zoom. 
I’m not here to tell people not to have kids. If you want them, have them. Think about it first, but have them.
There are enough parenting things out there for people but there’s not a ton of content for childfree people. And one childfree account is not a one-size-fits-all. 
There are people who don’t resonate with my message and how I live my life, even though they are childfree. Just as I am not for everybody and that’s cool. I am for some people so I’m trying to reach as many “some peoples” as I can.
Should I talk about how I blocked this lady from church (when I used to go to church)? For two years, she’ been leaving these passive-aggressive comments on my social media and sending me DMs saying: 
“You shouldn’t be talking about being childfree and happy.” 
I think it’s funny when people say: 
“I can’t wait for your generation to die out because then my child is not going to have to grow up listening to this bullshit of being childfree.” 
Well, I hate to tell you this but the childfree community spans many generations and it’s not going anywhere. We are more vocal than ever and ten years from now this is going to be normal. 
I hope. 
I’m not saying that it’s going to stop people from having kids because if you look at any celebrity news magazine, every celebrity is giving birth right now. 
I have great hopes for the childhood future, not just for mine but for other people. Anyone my age or younger, I think this is a great time to explore. I mean if you think about it, we’re living like the most bizarre time ever.  
There’s a pandemic happening! 
Anyone who wants to start a blog or is thinking about starting a blog and you have no audience and you really don’t know what to say, just start writing. That’s how I was a couple of years ago. It takes a while to find your voice and to say the things you want to say in a manner that suits you best. 
Honestly, I am nowhere near where I want to be in being able to voice how I feel and being able to voice my hope and even just sharing my stories. When I’m 50, I want to be totally kick-ass at expressing my childfree self. 
Seriously, I’m excited about 50. I’ve got 13 years until I’m 50. 
No, wait, OMG. 13 years until I’m 50 years old??? 
Oh well, look at JLo. She looks amazing. I have to stop eating sugar. 
Wow, there’s nothing like finding out how old you really are. I don’t feel my age and that’s okay. Whatever. 
It’s important to remember that this is your life and you know not everyone’s going to agree with how you live. 
You could have all of the kids that you could possibly have to satisfy society’s expectation of you, but if your happiness isn’t there, what’s the point?
         (End music)


And there you have it, Bitchy Readers (Bitchy Viewers). The premiere episode of Childfreeness with LeNora Faye. It's been a busy few months, pandemic aside. My Childfree Girls co-hosts and I expanded our web series to include a podcast, and I started wearing wigs in videos. To become more at ease with being on camera. Over the years, I've amassed an assortement of wigs for fun but they were collecting dust in my closet. So now, The Bitchy Bookkeeper wears wigs in photos and videos. Episodes 2 & 3 are out now on The Bitchy Bookkeeper YouTube channel but I will be posting them on the blog next week. Stay tuned! 

Chat soon, 

LeNora Faye
The Bitchy Bookkeeper
Co-host of Childfree Girls
Author of Childfree Journals

Guest childfree blog posts submissions can be sent to INFO at LENORAFAYE dot com

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Childfree Entertainment During Social Distancing

Hey there, Bitchy Readers! 

Childfree people can attest to the social distancing that happens when friends begin to have kids. We’ve been preparing for this moment for years! 

I began to self-isolate back in 2018 when I started this blog, so my daily life hasn't changed much with all this craziness that's unfolding. I was feeling blah about not having any immediate travel plans but it turns out, the Universe was sending me a message: "you may want to stay home."  

My focus remains on building The Bitchy Bookkeeper as a childfree entertainment brand. 

When I was starting my blog, I had zero audience and no social media presence. I searched for other childfree platforms that could help promote my blog, discovering a lot of inactive childfree blogs and websites along the way. Over the last two years, some of my favorite CF podcasts and blogs have become dormant.

I haven't had a day job since I began blogging. Between developing content for The Bitchy Bookkeeper, creating Childfree Journals and producing & co-hosting Childfree Girls, who has time for a job?

One day I will go into great detail about the financial adventure I've had.

It is one thing to start a blog or a social media account or a podcast. It's another thing to maintain and grow it into something bigger beyond your imagination. It's going to test your tenacity and passion. 

On top of surviving a global pandemic. 

While I recognize the archive of previously active childfree blogs and podcasts, I want to shine a light on a few that are currently active and resonate with me. To encourage the continuation of childfree content creation. 

I know how challenging it is to continue when faced with uncertainty about the future. This increases my desire to support other childfree creators and hopefully be able to offer financial sponsorship in the future. 

So without further ado, for your childfree listening and reading pleasure: 

(The podcast links will send you to Spotify, FYI)

Chill & Grace  - Episode "Disrupting the Norm with Holly Krivo".  Host Holly gets personal in this episode, as she is the one being interviewed. She discusses moving to Norway with her wife, her choice to not have kids, and how she's helping other childfree women. I love personal episodes where you get to know the backstory. 

The Honest Uproar - Episode "Dr. Amy Blackstone", author of Childfree by Choice and "We are not having a baby" blog. This episode is full of insights on advocating for the childfree lifestyle. Hosted by Isabel Firecracker, this podcast features a diverse range of childfree women from around the world. I've also been on this podcast three times. It's a great experience from a guest POV and a listener's. 

Unchained. Unbothered. - Episode "Armani: A Magnificent Millennial". This podcast features black women who live with intention. Hosted by Keturah Kendrick, a childfree woman. I'm a half-black Canadian woman but I don't know much about black culture in the States. I can’t even tell you what black culture is like in Canada. This podcast is opening my eyes to different experiences and inspires me to continue seeking freedom. 

Choosing Not to Mom Blog - Shout-out to fellow Canadian Caprice who has started a blog about her decision (and her husband’s) to not have children. I live as a single woman but I’m curious about the married-without-children lifestyle.

Childfree Girls Behind-the-Scenes Blog - Childfree relationships, dealing with pro-lifers, lifestyle tips and more can be found on this blog. Contributed by the co-hosts of Childfree Girls, of which I am one. 

My Guest Appearances - As I said before, I like learning people's backstory. It helps me connect with their content. I speak freely about my life and love having the childfree conversation. This is a list of the few interviews I've done. Oh yes, and of course, the Childfree Girls web series

Diversity exists in the childfree community. Life experiences, ethnicities, sexual orientation, marital status, you name it. There is a lot we can learn from one another.

Let's all support the further spread of childfree content. While still washing our hands! 

Chat soon, 

LeNora Faye
The Bitchy Bookkeeper
Co-host of Childfree Girls
Author of Childfree Journals

Guest childfree blog posts submissions can be sent to INFO at LENORAFAYE dot com


Friday, February 28, 2020

Will You Have Regrets?

Greetings, Bitchy Readers!

This week's guest post comes from Leana Delle -- author, speaker, and host of the podcast "Girlfriend, We Need to Talk".  

You’re just not feeling that instinct (of the maternal variety), and you’ve mentioned to your friends that you don’t think you’ll have children. Or, God forbid, you’ve told your parents. Reactions? They can vary, but most often you’re subjected to eyebrow raises and some pretty bazaar questioning:

Aren’t you being selfish?

Don’t you want someone to look after you when you’re old?

Won’t your parents/friends be disappointed?
Aren’t you afraid you’ll regret it someday?

Most of these questions can be fielded with little effort, in part because logic didn’t go into the formation of them. But the one about regrets? That one can inspire agonizing reflection and lingering self-doubt.

I’m here to tell you that the odds of regrets showing up to haunt you later in life are slim, and I’m speaking from experience.

As a teen, I knew that if I were to have kids, it wouldn’t happen until my thirties. When I reached my thirties, I knew I wouldn’t have them at all. I’m now in my late fifties, and nothing about not having children has been a disappointment to me.

It’s also important to note that my parents didn’t pressure. And it is exactly that, my friends. “Pressure” to provide them with something they want. Let’s call a spade a spade. 

Also, my biological clock never ticked. Not once. Not even in the presence of a pretty big snooze button. And to this day, I never look at babies and wonder what could have been – not from the perspective of a non-parent or a non-grandparent. Nothing. Nada. And I like kids! The misconception that not having them equates to some level is disdain is ludicrous.

Most women who choose not to have children have an inner knowing from the start, and it’s as natural an instinct as wanting to be a mother is for others. Ignoring either is where the problem lies, especially if it’s done on the guise of pleasing a partner. I’ve known several moms who have confided after the fact that they never felt maternal and that their children, as much as they truly do love them, have held them back. Far more common are the millions who feel that their children are their greatest fulfillment; something they knew would be the case long before conception. And I say, thank God for them! Great moms are a literal godsend, but it’s not for everyone.

It’s important to me that you know you’re not alone in potentially not wanting to be a mother. And it’s even more important that you know that there are women out there, like me, who have never regretted their decision. Maybe this will help squelch any future nights of agonizing, or ease the burden of defending your position to others. 

Maybe it will bring you peace.

Just know that your decision should be your decision, and if it’s heartfelt and genuine, you’re on your truest path. And, believe it or not, there are potential partners out there who feel the same way you do.

This is not a post aimed at discouraging women from having babies. Not even. My aim is respect for individual choice. It’s brave to admit you want to do something out of the ordinary, and I admire that strength. It’s also extremely brave to raise children, and I greatly admire that, as well.

Stand tall and claim your path, regardless of which speaks to you. As long as you’re hearing your heart’s desire and living life to the fullest, regrets won’t find you in old age.

I’m Leana Delle. I’m 58. I have no regrets.

VoyageDallas Magazine: Meet Leana Delle!

Thank you, Leana, for these words of encouragement. To know there are other childfree women who are living fully, without regret, adds to my own peace of mind. Bitchy Readers, check out the conversation between Leana and me on her podcast!  

Girlfriend, We Need to Talk-hosted by Leana Delle
Are people who don’t have children selfish? Do they have something against kids? Are they destined for a lifetime of regret? LeNora Faye and myself are all in on answering these questions and more.

Chat soon, 

LeNora Faye
The Bitchy Bookkeeper
Co-host of Childfree Girls
Author of Childfree Journals

Guest childfree blog posts are always welcome.

Contact us at:  info at lenorafaye dot com

The Bitchy Bookkeeper Journal Vol  1