Wednesday, January 30, 2019

I Was Born to Talk-Just Ask My Brother



Hello, Bitchy Readers!

January 30-is a day of raising awareness about mental illness here in Canada. It's sponsored by telecom company. Celebrities, politicians and everyday people share their stories to help remove the stigma that surrounds mental illness. 

While I don't have mental illness, I have benefited from professional counselling in the past, and I think therapy is a useful tool.



Talking is a useful tool.

Six months ago, I began brainstorming how I could put my chatty personality to good use. 

Thus, the Bitchy Bookkeeper blog was born. 

A few months later, I discovered a way to write for a bigger audience on another website. 

Writing seemed like an odd choice but considering that I love to do most things on my own, this is a perfect way to share my experiences without having to leave my house. During the warm months, I can travel in solitude and still "talk" to people.

Now, there is "talking" and then there is "saying something". I really don't want to be a person who is talking just to hear the sound of her own voice. 

I have something to say. I have something that is important to me that I wish to share with humanity. 

I realized  that I could use my time and resources to create my own platform.

There are days when I struggle to get my thoughts down. Last week, for another website, I couldn’t bring myself to publish my work. I was overthinking it. 

Writing for someone else comes with guidelines and rules-which is fine because I aim to become a powerful writer, but it takes time to develop that skill. 

Having my own blog helps me practice. I can also keep this blog accessible to as many people as possible. 

The topic of childfree/childless by choice has opened up an opportunity for me. While I don’t struggle with this decision, it bothered me that no one speaks openly about not wanting kids. 

Now, through this blog and beyond with social media, I’m connecting with many others who either live this way or are thinking about it. 

It’s crazy awesome. 

I feel inspired to write more about my experiences and explore creative ways to share with others that life is rewarding without having kids. 

My own life is teaching me that. 

Not that challenges don’t happen. I still have to show up every day with a focused attitude and take care of myself and do good work. I’m happy to do it. 

I shall continue to talk, I shall continue to share and I’m here to hear what you have to say about life so far. 

Have a lovely day.


Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author 
Former Fantastic Violinist 



































Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Oh, But You'd Make Such a Great Mom.



Good day, Bitchy Readers.


"You should have kids. You'd make a wonderful mother."  

So say the people that have never spent 24 consecutive hours with me. 

Ugh! 

It’s been awhile since anyone has said this to my face. I had forgotten those feelings that come up when my fellow humans make such bold assumptions.

If you're feeling in limbo about becoming a parent, today's post is especially for you. 


We are all looking for validation.

Whether or not we admit it, we want our life choices to be admired. 

Parenthood is common. 

You can sneeze in any direction and hit a parent. As you get older and your social circle beings to procreate, peer pressure inadvertently happens.  

You find yourself shopping for baby gifts and attending gender reveal parties. Drinks with your girlfriends become breastfeeding sharing circles. 

You may not be the only childless person in the room but perhaps you're the only one not actively trying to have a kid.

You don't say out loud that you're unsure about parenthood.

You just smile and nod and say "someday".

Someday turns into 10 years later .

You’ve moved on to new careers and maybe some travel. You see your core group of friends maybe twice a year. 

You catch up, their kids are now in school. You see how many bottles of wine mothers consume on the regular. 

You talk about the places you've visited or the work you’re doing. 

Your friends talk about all the things the kids are up to these days. The latest family trip overseas where one kid got really sick and the other one didn't want to do anything except play video games. 

You get grilled on your dating life.

"You should find somebody soon" because, you know, who wants to still be dating at 36. 

It's OK if you are divorced and dating, because at least you were married. 

Society logic. 

You hug goodbye, promising to see each other more often. 

"I wouldn't trade my kids for all the free time in the world", the mothers say to themselves.

"I'm glad I don't have kids", you say to yourself.

And yet, you wonder. 


Everyone has kids. This feels like high school all over again-the popular parenthood gang. With their mini vans and sports tournaments and endless birthday parties. 

Never a dull moment. So they tell you. 

"There is nothing more important than raising a child"-- scream the mothers. 

"No matter how many different life scenarios I play out in my head, I cannot imagine a better one without my kids" --bellow the fathers. 

Here you are-the non parent-standing alone on an island while party boats and yachts of parents with their many children and grandchildren go sailing by. 

You feel isolated in your choice. You too could be on that yacht with your baby(ies).

Your friends and pushy relatives would welcome you into the parenthood fold with open arms. "Finally! You're a mother (father)."

You're showered with gifts and attention on social media and then people go back to their own busy lives. Leaving you to fend for yourself and this tiny human life.

You may discover a new purpose, a new meaning, a new sense of love. 

Or not. 

People tell you that this will happen when you have kids, but people lie. People kill their own children. Yes, that's extreme but it happens. 

Parenthood never ends. You may have a healthy child who grows up to be sick and dependent on you for the rest of their life. For some parents, this becomes their entire life and identity. Some welcome it, others resent it. 

You may have the most blissful parenthood experience, relish your grandchildren and be surrounded by each and every one on your deathbed. 

You may have a child and lose that child. 

You may have children who don't become parents and therefore, no grandchildren. 


So, what do you want for your life? Your daily life? 

The most well meaning of friends and family will encourage you to have children without knowing what you really desire from life. 

They've done it, so you should do it too. 

Hell, if I lived by that motto, I'd be demanding that everyone stop breeding so much. 

How about developing their own unique talents and abilities to create art and cures for diseases instead of entitled children.

I was a child once. My parents had the best of intentions when raising me. I fought against them to become the person I am today. 

I've had to develop my own abilities and skills to thrive in this world. It may seem easier because I have some resources and chose not to have kids, but it's endless work.

I enjoy doing this work on myself. I try to make my daily life as comfortable as possible. I have to do this myself, because it's just me. 

I don't feel that the most important thing in life is raising a child. I think the most important thing in life is to express myself.

One day, I won't wake up. Children or no children, when my life is over, it's over. 

Some people have children to continue on their name or genetics or family business or history of insanity, whatever. 

The reason I wanted to become an entertainer-a violinist back in the day and now a writer of sorts-was to create something that inspires others to live well. 

Hopefully, something I create will have a positive ripple effect on a small part of humanity. 

An ex-boyfriend used to say to me all the time:

"What if you gave birth to a child who would go on to create something amazing, wouldn't that be worth it?"

My answer was always this:

“Why can't I be the one that goes on to create something amazing?"  

I am open to doing such a thing. I have very few distractions in my life, Universe. Hint hint.

I wouldn't make such a great mother because I would resent having to sacrifice so much of myself to give my offspring a decent chance at life. 

Especially since I was born in a female body. 

I accept my female form, but not to the point where I'm willing to procreate. I feel it's unfair to me. 

And I'm now pretty sure I came here to be loud and proud about being a childfree woman. 


As a Canadian, I feel free to live how I want to live. I am very fortunate. I don't belong to any religion anymore and direct pressure from my social circle to procreate is minimal.

It wasn't always that way. 

Speaking openly about my choice has led to some heartfelt discussions between both sides (parent and childfree).



If you are on the fence about having kids, see if you can have an honest discussion with a parent who is willing to share the ins and outs of parenthood. 

You need to get beyond the platitudes of: it's the most wonderful feeling in the world".

The most wonderful feeling in the world is having your back tickled. Or in my case, the back of my knee tickled. Nothing puts me into a more blissful state. 

I'm an aunt. I love my nephews. After a full weekend of hosting them at my house, with all the fun we have, I can tell you that kids don't put me into a blissful state the way a knee tickle does. 

There are so many experiences to be had in life. 

Find what makes you feel satisfied and know that satisfaction will change and take on different forms over the course of your life. 

What makes your neighbor happy may not make you happy.

And remember, Bitchy Readers, it's harder to give the kids back once you have them. 


Have a lovely day.


Sincerely, 


LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist


lenorafaye.com



















Friday, January 18, 2019

Instant Gratification and Long Term Benefits




Hello, Bitchy Readers.

I woke up this morning from a long dream where I was walking home at sunset and talking to Oprah and Gayle.  Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King. My walking companions. Oh, if only. I’m writing this before I forget the dream. 

I remember telling them how I was going to focus on the short term goals, the next 3-6 months of my life instead of the next 10 years. My reasoning was because too much happens over a 10 year span and it’s impossible to really know what you want for yourself that far ahead. (Optimal health and basic needs aside.)

As my brain clears from sleeping, I think that is quite wise. 

10 years ago, I had a very different life. Now, I have different resources. I have a different understanding about myself and life in general. 

It’s very cold and snowy right now. I’ve been indulging in some quality time with my television. Not all of my life goals involve grand activities. Growing up without a television set me on a path to ensuring I get days where I can watch as much TV as I please, without interruptions. 

Of all the possible luxuries in the world, staying home on a blustery day to binge watch new shows (Killing Eve) and old (Desperate Housewives), is in the top three. I don’t know what my other two are, I’m still sleepy. 

If you've ever read any sort of self help books-I've read tons in my 20s-you know about the "ego". The part of you that is never satisfied. The monkey banging the cymbals incessantly in your brain. 

The monkey in my head says "Achieve! Achieve! Achieve!" 

It gets rather annoying on a day where I hang out at home watching movies. 

For years and years I've been busy. Nonstop work, nonstop practicing my violin or now a days, writing. The reason I do anything is to feel better. Sometimes my actions give me instant gratification-road trips. Sometimes, I don't see results until years later-excellent credit score. 

If I look back at the last 12 months, I can't remember everything I did or said. I have bank statements that tell me what I spent my money on and items like this place I live in and the vehicle I drive that I acquired within this last year. All of the major decisions I made were to hopefully benefit my life and via ripple effect, the lives of those I care about. 

I overthink many things, not to the point where I can't make a decision, but where I can lose my motivation. This week, I overthought a lot of articles that are still in draft form. I made a decision, partly based on the increasingly cold weather, to stay inside and relax. Do a lot of stretching, maintain my clean house and catch up on TV. So, I didn't write as much as I have in previous weeks. 

My goals haven't changed, but I needed some instant gratification. Entertaining gratification. Television gives me that. It also puts me in a state of mind where I'm happy and living my dream of relaxing at home while people shovel their driveways. My driveway is being cleared right now by a snow removal company. Perks of living in a townhouse. 

I'm very much like a kid in my private moments. I dance around my house and go " It's so awesome living here."  Maybe that's not like a kid, I never felt that way as a child.

As an adult, I feel free. At 36, without children and a spouse, I feel relaxed and yet firm in my life choices. I don't regret ending the relationships I have had. I don't regret letting go of certain dreams I clung so tightly to because I've been given the resources to explore bigger ideas. 

I've done this so I can say this-you can put all your energy into trying to make something happen because you think it's what you want, and then become so desperate to make it happen that it implodes in disaster. Then you discover something else that gives you the same feelings that you thought the other thing would give you.

Example

I thought I would spend my life being a professional violinist and teacher. I spent 10 years doing this and then I realized I didn't feel fulfilled.  I've spent 10 years doing other lines of work and have had many different experiences and I feel more satisfied in my daily life than I did as a musician. 

I don't have traditional relationships or responsibilities and yet, I still feel fulfilled. It's not a mystery to me. Every night, I climb the stairs to bed and feel endlessly grateful for my life. I'm glad I can enjoy these moments now. 

Don't be afraid to question your life. There are more discoveries to be made. 

Have a lovely day.

Sincerely, 


LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist

lenorafaye.com






Monday, January 14, 2019

A Moment in the Mountains

Hi there, Bitchy Readers.

Have you ever had a day that just feels right? Without a lot of fanfare, perhaps you spend the day alone doing something you really enjoy, instead trying to solve the world’s problems. 

I took a day trip to the mountains for some winter photos and for the sheer pleasure of driving. All sunshine, not a cloud in the sky. I explored some side roads I had never driven before and even went on a small hike in my high heel winter combat boots. 




I followed the snowy trail, not sure where it was going. I was nervous as it was very high up. The valley was just a stumble and fall away with no railings. The views were amazing though, so I kept walking. I had the trail to myself, perks of visiting on a Monday. 


I watched the sun set behind the mountains. 

There are many ways to experience joy in life. People talk about lasting fulfillment and the dangers of chasing after fleeting fun. 

As I stood on the trail, a thought ran across my brain.

“If not now, when?”

I don’t know what my inner dialogue was referring to because all day I had been enjoying the drive and scenery and pizza at my favorite tavern so I wasn’t in a state of overthinking. 

Given that I've had a four year plan which involves everything I find myself doing right now, I suspect this was my moment of clarity. 

On the side of a mountain, watching the sunset and realizing that I may as well live out my dream right now and see where 2019 takes me. 

My dad tells this story of how he wanted to learn how to play the cello after attending my orchestra concerts for years. He told my mom how he was going to learn once he retired. She told him “No, you’re going to learn it right now so you can play well by the time you retire.”

So he took her advice and with a bit of help from me, since I could play beginner level cello, he began practicing. My mother would listen to him practice every evening. 

My dad is going to retire in a year or so and my mother has been gone for 14 years. Had he waited, she would have never heard him play. 

I’m not a super outdoorsy girl, but I love the beauty of nature. I felt as though the mountains were hugging me. In a gentle way. Not in an avalanche kind of way. Sometimes when I’m driving through certain parts, I think of how easily one could crumble on top of me. 

Tomorrow will be a day of action-of writing and challenging myself to do better with it. 

But today, Bitchy Readers, was freakin amazing.


Have a lovely evening


Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist 












Friday, January 11, 2019

Taking My Goals Seriously




Happy Friday, Bitchy Readers!

I hope the week has treated you well. I’ve had some great moments and then some frustrating ones where I’ve had to take a moment to remember why I’m doing what I’m doing in the first place.

Yesterday I was working on an article and I kept overthinking the point I was trying to make. So I went grocery shopping and watered the 16 plants I have around my townhouse. 

I love to drive. I love the car I drive, I love doing things like grocery shopping mid afternoon on a sunny day while everyone else is at work. 

I love that I don’t have kids and have to bring them grocery shopping. I’ve taken my nephews shopping when they come visit me and it’s usually OK but nothing I want on the regular.

I had to force myself to relax and watch TV last night. I’ve been so focused on writing and being consistent with my blog and other articles that I felt a bit manic. 

Some of the writers that I most admire are creating content twice a day and are seeing the kind of success I wish to achieve. I believe in my potential to create a lot of content but I still take a long time to format my thoughts in a clear manner that is somehow entertaining. (Hopefully.)

I’m at a point in my life where I still possess great ambition but am able to enjoy my life as it is right now. 

2019 is already shaping up to be a year of focus. What I am focusing on is for my written work to reach a wider audience. 

This means I need to create content that some people what to read and share with other people in their lives. 

Setting Myself Up for Success
I don't thrive on having a raging social life right now. I have a list of people who keep telling me "we have to get together" but they don't make a plan. I don't have time to chase people. If you want to come over for dinner, great. I'll cook for you, but you need to give me a specific date. 

I work best in a clean and quiet house. My place is organized and I live alone. Some mornings I wake up and start writing in bed. It may be noon before I get up and eat something. 

Days like today, I don't start writing until mid afternoon. I slept in until 10:00 and then my brother called me and we chatted for an hour. Then I called my financial planner as we had some matters to discuss. Then, I cleaned the kitchen and made pancakes because I had a craving for them. By then, it was 1:00 in the afternoon. 

I wrote for two hours, did some research and then had a shower. I went for a small walk, it was too icy out so I came home and have been working on my blog ever since. 

This weekend will be more writing. This entire month will be all writing. I'm not sure if I will see my friends-perhaps a lunch on a random Thursday or something. I'm friends with busy people who don't even live in my city. I probably do that on purpose.

Back in October, I decided I wanted to spend this winter at home so I could write. It's a bit scary because I got my wish and I don't know what's going to happen. When I look back at the start of my blog-back in July, I see how far I've come with it. This is what fuels me to keep going, even in moments of frustration.  

During the family Christmas dinner I hosted, my dad gave me and my brother each a lottery ticket. I won $5. I don't think my brother won anything. Then my dad asked us-in the spirit of fun- what we would do if we won the jackpot. 
Now, my father has never brought this up before so it was an unexpected conversation.

My brother shared his "plans" and I said I'd be doing exactly what I am doing right now. Writing and building an audience. The only change I would make is that I'd stop applying for a part time job with the local school board.  I have the vehicle I want and I adore where I live. 

For years now, I've put into practice building my life the way I would live if I "won the lottery".  I've been lucky to experience a significant amount of money already and at the end of the day, I still have to work really hard to achieve my goals.

Having a financial cushion can allow you to focus more on what you want and less on "how am I going to pay for what I have" but it doesn't make you immune to internal turmoil. I have known and still know people with millions of dollars to their name and yet they panic. They are afraid to spend their money, they are afraid to retire and enjoy what they have for fear it all be lost. 

Fortunes are made and lost in an instant. It's good to exercise some caution. My own journey with money and the money mindset is ever evolving. Being able to take care of myself and create something that helps me financially is a source of personal fulfillment and I won't stop until I've created something that achieves this. 

Actually, I won't stop even if I do achieve that. Look at Oprah. She has created a multi billion dollar empire and she continues to do new things. Life never stops until you’re dead. 

In the mean time, let me come back down to my current reality. Oprah's life example makes me orbit the moon. 

My point is, Bitchy Readers, my goals I've set for 2019 are important to me. The actions I take daily will determine how far I get. I cannot control the outcome, I hope for the best and take pleasure in writing for the most part. Tomorrow may birth another idea that I never thought possible. It's worth sticking around for to find out. 

Have a lovely day.


Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist

lenorafaye.com





Wednesday, January 9, 2019

JOMO: Joy Of Missing Out-Childfree Version


Greeting, Bitchy Readers.

Remember FOMO? (fear of missing out) 

I was doing some research this morning and came across an article that introduced me to JOMO-Joy of missing out. 

My list of JOMO is long. Based on my life choices, here are some of the things I'm happily missing out on.

  • Student loan debt
  • Credit card debt
  • Buying diapers
  • In-laws
  • Toxic female friends
  • Lack of sleep
  • Unfulfilling work
  • A messy house with toys everywhere
  • Having no time to shower or groom myself
  • Screaming kids
  • Angry teenagers
  • Adult children who need money and a place to live
  • Motherhood guilt
  • Motherhood resentment
  • Motherhood anxiety
  • Unrequited love
  • Wedding planning
  • Post-baby blues
  • Post wedding blues
  • Divorce
  • An unsatisfying life
  • No time to myself

The year I graduated from high school, I had five friends getting married that summer. The youngest was 16. 

The last 20 years feel like a steady stream of engagement photos. This is only eclipsed by the endless baby announcements and baby's first-year photos.    

When a person is happy and excited, they have a glow. A glimmering veil of joy that leaps out at you in the photos they share and when you interact with them in real life. 

You want that glow.

 I want that glow. 

"Gimme what you got!" We all plead with the happy person.


We begin to wonder if we should backpack through Asia. Or get married or have babies. Maybe settle down with a mortgage or two. 

The cabin at the lake and the house in the city. 

I rent a lovely townhouse in the city. I also have a friend who has a cabin at the lake which I get to use during the warm weather months when it sits unoccupied. It's quite awesome. I'm lucky. Perks without maintenance responsibility.

On the flip side, we don't get to see what really goes on after the glow has faded and reality sets in.

The return to work after two weeks in the Bahamas. The credit card bills. The adjustment to married life and the stress of parenthood.

The married with children (and parents in general) like to clap back and say 
"This is the greatest thing I have ever done in my life, so it's all worth it."

I've said this before, those are the ones you have to watch out for.

In my personal experience, the married with children who are the most content with their choices are the ones who speak honestly. 

They tell you that the magic of being married wears off and while they love their spouse, it's a lot of work. They love their kids and are happy they exist but they tell you that parenthood sucks more than most will let on. 

These are the people who don't post constantly on Facebook showing their #happyhearthomelife.  You might see a post once a month or so. 

I began posting a lot of scenic shots from my traveling and when I'm doing something I love to do. I use the photos to bring awareness to what I believe in. I rarely post a selfie.

 That's just my style on social media. 

People see what they want to see. A lot of times, my friends and family will say to me "so where are you off to next?"  

I remind them that yes, I travel a lot but I love to drive and when I get to my destination, I'm writing most of the time in my hotel suite or vacation rental. 

I like to feel fancy and it's fun to write with a view of the mountains.  

During the winter, I'm writing from home. My days are now research and reading, blogging and working on articles that will hopefully get noticed.
I love it, but some times I get really frustrated because I don't get results right away. 

However you choose to spend your life, there will be moments where you look over at the other person and think-


"Wow, their life looks better than mine."


Sometimes you're right. Their life is better than yours. That doesn't mean you have to rush out and copy what they do. Maybe they took the time to discover what truly makes them happy and went after it. 

Sometimes, your life is better and you just can't see it that way. 

It's hard to gauge how people feel about their own lives when they just tell you the good stuff. That being said, no one wants to hear someone complain all the time. 

Unless it's parents complaining about their children because that's when those of us who are deliciously childfree smile and say
    
                                 "JOMO!"




Have a lovely day. 


Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist


Keep in touch--info@lenorafaye.com


lenorafaye.com



















Monday, January 7, 2019

Glenn Close sums up my entire existence.



Happy Monday, Bitchy Readers.


I was prepared to cheer wildly for Lady Gaga’s Best Actress win at the Golden Globe Awards but instead, I cheered wildly at Glenn Close’s acceptance speech for Best Actress in the film "The Wife". 

The film is about a woman with talent and dreams who spent her marriage diminishing herself so her husband could shine in the world, all the way to the Nobel Peace Prize. From the looks of the trailer, she finally has enough. 

I had never heard of this movie by the way. It's now on my list to watch. 

All my plans for a Bitchy Bookkeeper award show recap went out the window as I watched her acceptance speech. 

“I’m thinking of my mom, who really sublimated herself to my father her whole life, and in her eighties she said to me, ‘I feel I haven’t accomplished anything,’ and it was so not right.”

“I feel what I’ve learned from this whole experience is that women, we’re nurturers and that’s what’s expected of us. We have our children and husbands if we’re lucky enough and we have our partners, whoever, but we have to find personal fulfillment. We have to follow our dreams. We have to say, ‘I can do that,’ and ‘I should be allowed to do that.'”

— Glenn Close

She rightly received a standing ovation.

I was thinking of my own grandmothers who, without a doubt, spent their lives serving their husbands and home. They raised children, even other people’s children. 50th anniversaries were celebrated but behind the scenes, a different story from the romance novels. 

Glenn Close is 71 and has been a working actress for 45 years. Cruella de Vil!  She was married four times and has one child. She still adores what she does for a living and looks fantastic. 


I get asked if I worry about the future if I’m not having kids. 

No, I don't.

I feel very fortunate to be living a time and a place where I can exercise my right to live how I want. I have always committed myself to finding personal fulfillment and following my dreams, even if my dreams are different than everyone else’s.

I want to be 71 and still creating-music-literature-whatever else has captured my interest.  

In terms of relationships, I think about my "ideal" partnership. I think about how I want to feel, how I want the other person to feel, within our relationship.

I'm not shy in saying that I'd have to be the star-the more noticeable one. That doesn't mean the person I'm with has to be a mouse. I couldn't handle that. They have to be a star too, just a nicer person than I am and a little bit quieter because I can be loud. OK, I AM loud. 

I don't want a partnership where one of us has to diminish who we are to make the other person look better. There will be times where one has to support the other's success and that's totally fine. We have successes and failures in life and it would be nice to have someone there. 

In times of my great successes and failures, I've been on my own and that's quite natural for me so I don't look at having a partner as a necessity but I'm open minded. 

This expectation that I should be a nurturer because I was born in a woman's body-perhaps the way I nurture just looks a bit different. I like to encourage people who make an effort to help themselves. I don't baby people. I don't raise babies. 

I do get fulfillment in my home life. I live alone and have 3 bathrooms to myself. I only use 2, the other is for guests. It's always been my dream to live alone, and I have for years. This lovely townhouse I call home just happens to be much nicer than the apartments I've previously lived in. My dreams unfold into reality at home. 

For years, I found fulfillment in playing the violin and teaching. Then that shifted into wanting something more and I found fulfillment in having new experiences. Writing daily and publishing daily has given me a tremendous challenge to take my goals seriously-whether it's for this blog or the other sites I write on.

These last two years of my life, I have taken the opportunity to really live how I want to live. I haven't had a 9-5 job, I've traveled, I've spent time with family and friends, I've spent most of my time alone in beautiful places I love to visit. I've spent thousands of dollars on dental and travel. I needed a dental implant so I got a proper one screwed in. No cheaping out on teeth. 

When I look back at the time and resources I've used, I can't say I regret anything. I've been too busy enjoying my life and discovering new abilities and interests. I feel hopeful for my future and I feel supported by life in general to see me through everything. 

This is my wish, Bitchy Readers, for you and for men and women everywhere. It takes focus and effort but it is possible. 

Have a lovely day.


Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist

For more, visit lenorafaye.com






















Thursday, January 3, 2019

What Made You Choose Your Life?



Good day, Bitchy Readers.

I’m writing to you from the car dealership guest lounge. My windshield is getting two rock chips repaired-thank you new car protection warranty package. Gotta love winter city driving in Canada. 

Three days into the new year and I’m focused on quality, consistency and pleasure in as many ways as possible. The work I did yesterday has given me results today, in terms of writing. 

I know that social media is designed for us to become addicted to getting likes and notifications so that we spend our free time (or sneak a peak at work) using it. However, I now use social media to share my insights on my childless/childfree lifestyle. 

I make an effort to post from a genuine space in my heart. This life I live, that feels natural, is very important to me. I post with the hope that it reaches other individuals 
  • who feel the same way
  • who are questioning what they have been told about how to live life
  • who have not yet realized that they don’t HAVE to have kids
  • who are not quite at peace with their choice or circumstances to be childless.
So when I wake up to a dozen (because my following is still small) notifications, I smile. My work has reached some eyes and those eyes have felt a connection to my message. 

Today has been a day of notifications, not just from social media but from articles I’ve written. 

By the way, I suspect writing is a lot like raising children. Thankless. Ha. Only do it if you are ready to do the work. At least you can quit writing. 

Now I arrive at the question I like to ask people the most but rarely get an answer. 

“Why did you choose the life you have?”

I feel like most people would say 

“I did NOT choose this life.”

Circumstances, God or other deity, parents, spouse, the decade, the government....the blame lies here. 

I will re frame the question. 

Given the circumstances that are unique to you, why did you make the choices you have made so far in your life?

My short answer to this question is


I felt that there was more to life than what I saw around me. 

Along the road to the cabin I stay in a lot. Shuswap B.C


 It's no secret that sad and tragic stories get a lot of attention. An illness, death, a natural disaster, a terrorist attack. Fundraising efforts do well, these stories get a lot of shares and comments. There are people who even fake events to garner attention. 

Most of us don't want to go through this life feeling invisible, not that it's an excuse to fake cancer. 

I always got a lot of attention because I played the violin. I'm also loud and chatty in person and so I've never felt invisible. I also have big boobs which I tried for years to make invisible but that's an entirely different story. Ha!

For several years after my music career subsided, I wondered how I could make my mark on the world without having to suffer a catastrophe. Don't get me wrong, my life hasn't been all roses. I'm a biracial girl who grew up in predominately white communities so I've experienced hurtful remarks most of my childhood without understanding why. 

I also experienced the death of my mother at the age of 22. Our mother/daughter relationship was rocky but we became friends during my final year of high school. I attended grief counselling for 4 months before she died and so I don't have any regrets. 

My point is, I don't have a tragic story to build my creative identity on, nor do I want one. 

I was raised middle class in northern Alberta, Canada. I did grow up without a TV and in a religion that can be classified as a cult. It has no name. I definitely had to fight for everything I wanted and I did because I am headstrong and I have a vision for my life. 

So, again, my life isn't all roses but I am also very fortunate. I live like a Duchess compared to most of the world, without having to be married or raise babies. Yay! I get to spend my time doing something I believe in, I have plenty of sleep and eat excellent food and I have 3 bathrooms in my house all to myself. Duchess life! 

That all sounds well and good, LeNora, but what about the most important thing in life-family? Family is everything, you know.

My parents chose to have two children. I was born first and three years later, my brother came along. My brother is a good person. He is far nicer than I am. I am nice but I am not a caregiver. I like people who take care of themselves because I take care of myself. If the time comes where I can't-I have money to pay quality people to look after me.

My brother wants people to be happy and makes an effort to make people happy. He found out he was going to be a dad when he was 19 and vowed to take care of his kid. He has two of them now and is a single, full time father who also has a full time job. My brother has not had an easy life, but hey, unprotected sex will do that sometimes. 

Soulmate is a term that has romantic connotations but in terms of a mate for your soul-my brother is just that. 

We got along as children, he did annoy me as a teenager but I had left home at 18 so that lasted only a few months. He was my only friend at home as I didn't really get along with my parents. I missed him terribly when I went away to college. 

We are very different personalities and lead very different lives but he calls me every day on his way home from work and we talk about whatever we need to talk about. He understands my humor and he can carry on the conversation with me whenever I start getting deep, which is basically all the time. 

I love my two nephews and see them regularly.  My father has moved on with his life and married a woman who also lost her spouse and she happens to be a childfree by choice person. She is a fantastic addition to my small immediate family.

I have a large extended family but we all have our separate lives. We keep in touch via social media. 

If things go sideways in my life, the only person I can really rely on is myself and the Universe/life force that is beyond anything we can name. I have to decide the best course of action and then take that action. The Universe has always sent me support, sometimes in the form of another human or a job or even money. 

You are never really alone. 

I know that family and marriage and children all get romanticized as the end all be all to life but it's really about how you feel.

If you feel at ease with living a less chaotic life that involves living on your own, pursuing a creative outlet and having a small group of trusted friends-welcome to my life-then live that way. 

Every choice we make has a result. 

What's the result you want? How do you want to feel? Is what you are choosing to do going to give you that result-that feeling?

We don't know until we try, although that is what intuition is for. Just keep in mind that some choices are easier to reverse than others. 

*wink wink*

My windshield is fixed.



Have a lovely day, Bitchy Readers.


Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author 
Former Fantastic Violinist

you can visit lenorafaye.com for more.