Thursday, January 3, 2019

What Made You Choose Your Life?

Good day, Bitchy Readers.

I’m writing to you from the car dealership guest lounge. My windshield is getting two rock chips repaired-thank you new car protection warranty package. Gotta love winter city driving in Canada. 

Three days into the new year and I’m focused on quality, consistency and pleasure in as many ways as possible. The work I did yesterday has given me results today, in terms of writing. 

I know that social media is designed for us to become addicted to getting likes and notifications so that we spend our free time (or sneak a peak at work) using it. However, I now use social media to share my insights on my childless/childfree lifestyle. 

I make an effort to post from a genuine space in my heart. This life I live, that feels natural, is very important to me. I post with the hope that it reaches other individuals 
  • who feel the same way
  • who are questioning what they have been told about how to live life
  • who have not yet realized that they don’t HAVE to have kids
  • who are not quite at peace with their choice or circumstances to be childless.
So when I wake up to a dozen (because my following is still small) notifications, I smile. My work has reached some eyes and those eyes have felt a connection to my message. 

Today has been a day of notifications, not just from social media but from articles I’ve written. 

By the way, I suspect writing is a lot like raising children. Thankless. Ha. Only do it if you are ready to do the work. At least you can quit writing. 

Now I arrive at the question I like to ask people the most but rarely get an answer. 

“Why did you choose the life you have?”

I feel like most people would say 

“I did NOT choose this life.”

Circumstances, God or other deity, parents, spouse, the decade, the government....the blame lies here. 

I will re frame the question. 

Given the circumstances that are unique to you, why did you make the choices you have made so far in your life?

My short answer to this question is

I felt that there was more to life than what I saw around me. 

Along the road to the cabin I stay in a lot. Shuswap B.C

 It's no secret that sad and tragic stories get a lot of attention. An illness, death, a natural disaster, a terrorist attack. Fundraising efforts do well, these stories get a lot of shares and comments. There are people who even fake events to garner attention. 

Most of us don't want to go through this life feeling invisible, not that it's an excuse to fake cancer. 

I always got a lot of attention because I played the violin. I'm also loud and chatty in person and so I've never felt invisible. I also have big boobs which I tried for years to make invisible but that's an entirely different story. Ha!

For several years after my music career subsided, I wondered how I could make my mark on the world without having to suffer a catastrophe. Don't get me wrong, my life hasn't been all roses. I'm a biracial girl who grew up in predominately white communities so I've experienced hurtful remarks most of my childhood without understanding why. 

I also experienced the death of my mother at the age of 22. Our mother/daughter relationship was rocky but we became friends during my final year of high school. I attended grief counselling for 4 months before she died and so I don't have any regrets. 

My point is, I don't have a tragic story to build my creative identity on, nor do I want one. 

I was raised middle class in northern Alberta, Canada. I did grow up without a TV and in a religion that can be classified as a cult. It has no name. I definitely had to fight for everything I wanted and I did because I am headstrong and I have a vision for my life. 

So, again, my life isn't all roses but I am also very fortunate. I live like a Duchess compared to most of the world, without having to be married or raise babies. Yay! I get to spend my time doing something I believe in, I have plenty of sleep and eat excellent food and I have 3 bathrooms in my house all to myself. Duchess life! 

That all sounds well and good, LeNora, but what about the most important thing in life-family? Family is everything, you know.

My parents chose to have two children. I was born first and three years later, my brother came along. My brother is a good person. He is far nicer than I am. I am nice but I am not a caregiver. I like people who take care of themselves because I take care of myself. If the time comes where I can't-I have money to pay quality people to look after me.

My brother wants people to be happy and makes an effort to make people happy. He found out he was going to be a dad when he was 19 and vowed to take care of his kid. He has two of them now and is a single, full time father who also has a full time job. My brother has not had an easy life, but hey, unprotected sex will do that sometimes. 

Soulmate is a term that has romantic connotations but in terms of a mate for your soul-my brother is just that. 

We got along as children, he did annoy me as a teenager but I had left home at 18 so that lasted only a few months. He was my only friend at home as I didn't really get along with my parents. I missed him terribly when I went away to college. 

We are very different personalities and lead very different lives but he calls me every day on his way home from work and we talk about whatever we need to talk about. He understands my humor and he can carry on the conversation with me whenever I start getting deep, which is basically all the time. 

I love my two nephews and see them regularly.  My father has moved on with his life and married a woman who also lost her spouse and she happens to be a childfree by choice person. She is a fantastic addition to my small immediate family.

I have a large extended family but we all have our separate lives. We keep in touch via social media. 

If things go sideways in my life, the only person I can really rely on is myself and the Universe/life force that is beyond anything we can name. I have to decide the best course of action and then take that action. The Universe has always sent me support, sometimes in the form of another human or a job or even money. 

You are never really alone. 

I know that family and marriage and children all get romanticized as the end all be all to life but it's really about how you feel.

If you feel at ease with living a less chaotic life that involves living on your own, pursuing a creative outlet and having a small group of trusted friends-welcome to my life-then live that way. 

Every choice we make has a result. 

What's the result you want? How do you want to feel? Is what you are choosing to do going to give you that result-that feeling?

We don't know until we try, although that is what intuition is for. Just keep in mind that some choices are easier to reverse than others. 

*wink wink*

My windshield is fixed.

Have a lovely day, Bitchy Readers.


LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author 
Former Fantastic Violinist

Click for all the childfree links! 

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