Friday, August 31, 2018

August 31, 2018

And......that’s a wrap on August.

 I think that’s all I have to say today. 

Ha!

Yesterday evening had a beautiful golden glow as I drove “home” from the grocery store. I’m still on vacation for another week.


I say vacation but I spend all my time writing-which is the point.

 My year sabbatical ended back in May but I’ve been coming out here to a nondisclosed lake location to write and swim and visualize where I want my career to be this time next year.

That said, if 2019 is another year of random road trips through the mountains to swim in the lake, that’s fine with me. 

That is another 300+ blog posts between now and then. 

I slept in this morning. I usually wake up around 8 AM but today I needed two extra hours of sleep. Maybe I feel the energy of the masses racing to get one last long weekend trip in before the kids go back to school and normal life resumes.

I will return home mid-week after everyone else has settled in. 

I realized this week that everything I create or hope to create will not be read, viewed or listened to by the masses.

 I speak to a small select group who choose to live differently.

Some members of mass society will venture out to discover my writing as a way to live vicariously through my stories. 

I never liked the idea of living vicariously through anyone, especially not my offspring. I have always been determined to give myself all the experiences that I want. Throughout my life. 

This experience of creating something that matters is a daunting yet exciting one.

Can I entertain a select portion of humanity?

If I can, what other doors of opportunity will open?

This blog is not the end result, this is just the beginning. I do this for free. I have no desire to stick a bunch of annoying ads on here.

This blog draws readers which creates a small yet mighty following who find me entertaining, which leads to other ventures that pay me well. 

 And the better I do in life, the better you do in life. The better you do in life, the better I do in life. 
After I make pancakes for breakfast, I’m going to drive up the mountain to some trails to see if I can get more photos of the lake. 

I am not a photographer but these iPhones take such great photos nowadays. 

I wish you a happy long weekend!


Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author 
Former Fantastic Violinist 









Thursday, August 30, 2018

Keeping up with the bookcases


How is it possible that I feel so out of date when I set up my laptop to write?

I've decided to bite the bullet and invest in an iPad, just not this very second. I don’t make decisions without overthinking and researching first.

 Especially when it comes to spending money. 

I ask myself “how much can I get for my dollar?”

I had this awesome floor to ceiling built-in bookcase that displayed all of my journals and favorite books. It was my happy spot of the house.

So when I decided to move to my current place, I spent a month trying to decide what kind of bookshelf to get.

I really wanted one of those cube bookcases. But once I actually moved in, I saw that the design of the cube bookcase was too bulky for the layout of the house.

And I wanted shelving on multiple floors and in multiple rooms.

So I went shopping again to all the stores, looking for an alternative. 

Then it occurred to me..who was gonna carry this bulky package to the car, up the multiple staircases and put the shelves together?

Oh that’s right...

Me.

     Clip from the Bitchy Bookkeeper YouTube channel

Perks of being a strong, independent woman, I get to do it all myself.

Ha!

So there I am in the stores, lifting up display shelves like Wonder Woman to see which design will work for me.


Another point...

This shelf would not be the star....I wanted something simple to display my many journals and books and quirky shoe shaped piggy banks and small musical instruments and the LEGO toys that my nephews like to leave behind.


Of course, I found the perfect bookcase online in the middle of the night.

I ordered 4.

And now I have bookcases in my bedroom, writing room, kitchen and living room. 

Simple, functional - 4 for the price of one cube bookcase.

I was so happy and I’m still satisfied with that purchase. I don’t even notice the shelves. I notice all the meaningful items that are displayed. 

                                    
          My current outdoor office while on vacation 

Did I really just make this blog post about shopping for bookshelves? 

Hey, this is my blog and I write about money and how I spend it so why not?

My thought process behind spending money has evolved over 35 years.

If I see something I want, I take a moment. I try it on. I see if it meets my needs in a way that nothing else I already have does.

Do I LOVE it?

Yes? Ok, it’s mine.

If it’s a ‘ya it’s cute’, I don’t buy it. 

I apply this to everything. Food, decor, vehicles, furniture, lovers....haha.

I’ve never purchased a lover in my life but my time is also currency. I am mindful to spend my time in a way that matters to me, including WHO I spend that time with.

If you are just going to complain about everything wrong in your life, I’m not really interested in spending the weekend with you. 

If you are actively seeking solutions for a better life, then yes, come on over.

I believe that every moment, every dollar matters. I can use both as tools to create the life I want. 

Now I just need to learn how to overthink a little less...

Otherwise, I’m going to delete this entire post and start all over again and it’s pushing noon already.


Enjoy your day!


Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist 





























Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Summertime Sadness and Conversations with Kids




Who else wishes that summer would last for 4 more months? 

Hey, in 4 months, Christmas will be over. 

Did I ever tell you how I grew up not ever celebrating Christmas?
 ( No I'm not JW. That's a subject for my second novel.)

I still don’t really celebrate it. But I do get a Xmas tree. 

Today I sat out on the patio that overlooked the marina and ate a delicious lunch of fish n’ chips. 

The sun was hot, the iced tea-sweet and the tartar sauce, unlimited.

After 5 days of wildfire haze, the blue sky looked amazing. 

Of course, back to school advertisements have been playing for weeks now. I’m staying away on vacation until after the September long weekend, just to prove a point that life isn’t over after the 3rd.

I had a chat with a retired couple who had been staying at the nearby resort. They travel in style and with a small dog and were looking for hotel recommendations along the highway. I offered a few suggestions, although I mentioned how I usually look for pet-free hotels. They laughed when I told them of my personal childfree/pet policy.

I like kids. Conversations with children are great. They offer valuable insights if you listen. 

I had a family function a couple weeks ago and my two nephews traveled with me part way. We chatted the entire 4 hours and they basically shared with me everything they thought about everything.

It was pretty cool. 

I’ve always shared with them what goes on in my life. My oldest nephew saw me working as a music teacher, and they both came to the bakery where I worked for years. 

They know that I write now and I’ve shared with them my future plans and goals.

Nephew #1 has claimed the first copy of my first novel when it is published, although due to it’s content, he has to put it high on his bookshelf, not to be read until he turns 18.

Ha!


We talk about money, how much it costs to run a house, and the general cost of a good life.

We discuss what makes us happy and also what annoys us.

They gave me tips on how to create a YouTube channel since this generation was basically born watching YouTube.



          This week’s video featuring my nephew Bob

Over the decade I worked as a music teacher, I had some of the greatest conversations about life with my students. I was a young teacher so there wasn’t a massive age gap. 

I’ve said this before--it was the adults who listened to me and let me be myself that helped me and inspired me so much during my childhood and teen years.

I am fortunate this was my experience. There are many who are not so fortunate to have trusted adults who treated them with respect. 

There are also a lot of people who are childfree by choice because they hate children. 

To be fair...

I do not like children in my living space on a regular basis. I lived for one year below a young family with two children under 2 and listened to toddlers with their shoes on running back and forth constantly and jumping off couches.  

Listening to babies crying for 5 days straight is not my jam.

Children grow up and become adults with their own problems that they still want their parents to help fix. Or have their own babies that they want their parents to help look after. They still need money, they need help with whatever, and parents are sometimes there to help or not.

One of my friends tried to talk me into being open-minded to dating someone with older kids. " When they get older, it's not so bad," she said. 

Um... no thanks. 

For me, childfree also means having a partner who does not have children. A partner who does not want children and understands why. 

It's not about the daily grind of being a parent, it's deeper than that. 

How much of my life do I want to spend raising humans?

Nothing in life is guaranteed, and while I plan on living a full life until the age of 95, I do not know for sure that will happen. 

After all, I did have a mother who died when she was 47. 

 I don't carry that genetic disposition that my mother had that made her ill so I'm not worried about dying young, but it makes me aware that I can be of service to the younger generation in a manner that inspires me, without having to have my own kids. 


At the end of the day, what I desire is personal satisfaction. 

And darling.. I excel in that area. 

And I'm not talking about what you think I'm talking about, although, I have no complaints there either....



Have a lovely evening.


Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist

lenorafaye.com

Monday, August 27, 2018

When I Win the Lottery

                           
                     

There are two nuggets of wisdom that I discovered in my early 20’s. 

1-Never be financially dependent on someone else.

2-Don’t wait until you win the lottery to live how you really want to.


#1 has never felt like an option for me (to be dependent on someone to pay my bills), despite being born a female who was brought up in a religion where getting married and raising babies takes precedence over career aspirations. 

I can’t remember the first time I bought a lottery ticket. It certainly wasn’t when I was 19 and living alone in my first apartment, eating canned tuna with ranch salad dressing and driving a 1988 Toyota Tercel.

Funny childhood memory...


I was about 7 years old and so excited one day because my friend and her parents were coming to visit us for a weekend. 

Then my parents got a phone call. My friend wouldn’t be coming after all.

“Their car engine is broken,” my dad said.

I didn’t know what a car engine was. I thought it was the hood ornament that you would see on certain cars back in the ’70s and ’80s.

That didn’t seem like such a big deal to fix. Some tape or glue maybe.

I mentioned this to my dad and he explained that engines cost a lot of money.

I thought to myself -why didn’t my friend’s parents have enough money to fix their car engine? 

I felt so disappointed. 

      Hood ornament-what I used to think was an engine.

Life is freakin’ expensive, even if you don’t have fancy taste.  

I love the amenities that come with living in a big city. I also love to live alone and I need at least 1400 square feet to myself. 

Therefore, I live in a big city in the Prairies and not on the West Coast like I would prefer. I visit there every chance I get, and stay in lovely vacation rentals and play out that lifestyle fantasy for sure. 

But I get more out of my daily life, living in my current city with the money that I do have. 

Like having a vehicle. I’m not into public transportation unless I’m visiting San Francisco. 

I live in the suburbs and like to drive. I also like having a garage. 
 Hail storm in July,, my new Mazda was safe in my garage!

I’ve lived without a vehicle, I’ve lived with roommates. I’ve lived with a boyfriend, I’ve worked for years at my own business and for someone else. 

I’ve lived a combination of many experiences, some out of necessity-hence roommates, and some out of curiosity-hence boyfriend. 

So I’ve decided, when I win the lottery I am going to live alone in a house the reminds me of San Francisco. I’m going to drive a fun vehicle with premium leather interior, a moonroof and monster sound system. 

I’m going to spend my days writing and creating content for a blog. I am also going to take road trips around the country whenever I feel like it.

I’m going to spend quality time with my two nephews, having adventures and also lazy days.

 I’m going to donate food and clothing to various local shelters. 

I’m going to explore what makes me passionate and what makes me smile and figure out a way to entertain a small portion of society.

Oh, wait...

That’s how I live now. 


I think I’ll go buy a lottery ticket anyway, who knows..then I can pay someone to write this blog for me.

Ha!


Have a wonderful day!


Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author 
Former Fantastic Violinist 



Friday, August 24, 2018

And Then God Created the Internet





So, I am an older millennial-35-and the internet has played a big part in my life. 

Dial-up anyone?

My nephews will never know the struggle I faced as a teenager to connect to the internet.

To download one song...only to find it cuts out halfway through or it’s just some guy singing his version of Thriller. 

Waiting for 30 minutes for a photo to load on screen....24 hours for a movie...and only as long as the other person didn’t turn off their computer.

These days, kids don’t have to play video games. They can watch a video of someone playing video games...on YouTube. 

How convenient is that?

I actually went to a virtual high school for my final two years. I was so busy with my own music studies.  My intended part-time job as an after-school music instructor turned into a full-time job so I needed an alternative. 

I attended regular high school for my Fine Arts classes but took all my main courses online. I attended both grad ceremonies and have two diplomas. 


My experience with classroom chat rooms and meeting people online prior to seeing them in person has affected my ability to get into online dating. 

I just can’t do it. 

Not that I have much interest in dating. 

If you are interested in dating me, you can always submit an application, along with your credit score and driver’s abstract to prove you are financially and physically responsible.

I can prove both, therefore I can ask such a thing.

Ha! 

Back in 11th grade, I had a computer in my room so I could do my online classes. ICQ was the instant messenger that we would use to communicate with our teachers.

ICQ also had a random search feature to connect you with other users. 

One night, I was bored and so I clicked on the random search. My memory sees the Wheel of Fortune spinning round and round and then landing on a face. 

The search results were more like pages of a book you could flip through. I settled for a cute red-headed male who was 18 and from New York. I sent him a message and we started chatting. 

19 years later, we are still chatting. We have never met in person.  I told him that he would be making an appearance in today’s post. 

If you currently follow me on my personal Facebook page, you will know who I’m talking about. He usually has something to say.

                         A clip from my YouTube channel

Up until now, my social network has been very small, consisting of people I actually know-aside from “ICQ search result friend”.

I have been studying certain women and men who aren’t celebrities but are successful in their chosen field to see how they utilize social media.

We have these amazing devices that connect us with ideas and people that we would not normally come across. 

Yet, we spend so much time watching cat videos and ridiculing politicians with memes and commenting on posts about what annoys us without actually doing anything about it. 

What captures my attention online is the same thing that captures my attention in person- someone sharing their personal insight. 

It may not be on a topic that I know much about or even have an interest in, but if they share what they have learned to be true and effective for them...I’m all over it. 

Example—Dolly Parton. 

I don’t listen to her music, I cannot tell you the name of any album she has released but she has created a life and a body of work (and a body) that is perfect for her and I watch every interview and read her books and will listen to her wisdom whenever she speaks. 

You and I may not have much in common, maybe we do.  But if we were to sit down and discuss what we have come to learn in our lives so far, I would enjoy that conversation immensely.

Since I have started blogging, I have met a lot of childfree by choice people. The most common comment is 

“ I wish someone had told me that being childfree was an option, instead of me having to find out from Facebook.”

This is where I see the value of using social media. Sometimes it seems like just another popularity contest but really, social media is a way to connect with people on a deeper level. 

From the comfort and privacy of my house or in this case my vacation spot, I am sharing my personal insights in a way that is satisfying to me.

On the other end, is you, reading this hopefully in the privacy and comfort of your favorite place. 

If you are at work and get into trouble, tell your boss about this blog. 

And if you can’t get enough of dog and cat videos, here is a photo I took of my friend’s puppy. 

                            My dog nephew-Hux

Have a pleasant weekend.


Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist 


Keep in touch, send me an 
email





























Thursday, August 23, 2018

I Have No Idea Where I'm Going With This


Last week, I drove east through the prairies. This week, I’m driving west through the mountains.

Back in May, I drove 10 hours north and saw my childhood homes and where I went to elementary school.

Since May, I’ve taken 8 road trips for a total of 15,000 kilometers (9320 miles). I bought my CX-5 back in March and the odometer now reads 16900. 

That tells you- when I am home, I don’t go out much. 

This particular trip is to spend the remaining days of summer playing in the lake and writing, away from the city. 

                         My favorite place to swim

My brain feels a bit foggy this morning, it usually does after a day of driving. I am not sure what direction this post is taking, but I know that I have to write. 

It always feels good to write. It always feels right to write. 

Ha!

As I was driving along the winding mountain roads, I thought about the choices I have made this year. 

2017, my job as office manager for a lovely bakery came to an end when the owners retired and closed the business. I had debated buying the business for myself but the economy was crap and I wanted to have a life. 

I had enough money to take a year off and so that’s what I did.

I decided to travel a bit, taking time to relax and explore what makes me happy.

I drove my 2010 Mazda3 GT sedan into the ground. 4 months of driving and then a harsh Canadian winter, well now I have upgraded to an all wheel drive SUV. 

And got a house with a garage. 

New car, a new house to live in, those were at the top of my list of things to acquire in 2018.

The other item on that list is a ticket to see Elton John. He has yet to announce concerts in this part of the planet.

Also, what was I going to DO?

You know, that stupid question people ask when they meet you...”So....what do you do??”

I have business cards for that question now. 

But back in January, I did not have an answer. 

By then, I felt I had traveled enough for a while, and I wanted to focus on creating...something.

I also needed a new car and a house where I could feel creatively inspired and peaceful 24/7.

Over the winter, I spent weeks sifting through plastic bags of receipts and preparing tax returns for a friend who was years behind.

I was enjoying myself so much.

Lightbulb moment!

I should be a Bookkeeper. I already had years of experience, but no official certification.

So I spent the weekend researching courses at nearby colleges and found one that I could complete in a year. I enrolled that following Monday.

I have since finished the course, and am currently working on the practicums, which I can do while on road trips. I have a 56-page handwritten assignment and another 30-hour assignment using Quickbooks which I complete on my laptop. 

Now, my intention was to work as a bookkeeper while I continue writing my novels.

This is still my intention, but a few events happened shortly after I enrolled in school.

January 8th-I enroll in the course. I excitedly email my uncle, who was an accountant.

January 20th- That uncle dies. 

February-I spend two weeks with my cousin and my brother, cleaning out his house. My uncle had no children and he had A LOT of stuff. 

March-My aunt (sister of my uncle) dies. 

These were my mother’s siblings. My mother died in 2005 and both of her parents have died. So that family is all gone. 

I also began my classes in March. I enjoyed every moment of that first course.  

After the news of my aunt’s passing, I realized I needed to just go and grab the life I really want. 

So I found the perfect house for me to live in right now and against many odds, like not having a traditional income, I acquired that house. And I love living in it.

I also got a brand new vehicle that month as the snow ruts ripped out headlight sensors in my previous car. 

Wow, March was a crazy month. 

Life kept chugging along, I attended my classes,  packed up my stuff, and moved in May 1st.

May 3rd, I was on the road heading north to my aunt’s funeral. 

More classes, more road trips, setting up my new home, more road trips, finished my classes...

And then another lightbulb moment.

The Bitchy Bookkeeper.



The first time that popped into my head, I loved it. It made me laugh. 

I googled it and nothing appeared. 

Then I ignored it and continued doing whatever it was I was doing. 

It kept appearing in my mind and I thought

“Is this an idea for a bookkeeping business?”

But I didn’t want to start a bookkeeping business. 

It still made me laugh so I had to do something with it.

July 13th-I was home in between road trips, my two nephews had been staying with me for 6 days. I pulled out my laptop and was looking at my empty website and random social media accounts.

I even had an empty blog site. 

And then a thousand lightbulbs collided in my brain and after that, it was a big blur. 

By the end of the weekend, this blog was born, I had business cards designed, my website was up and I had 500 ideas for future posts.

Now I have a new animated YouTube channel—you can go to YouTube and type in Bitchy Bookkeeper. 

That idea came to me in the middle of the night while I was visiting a friend for the weekend. 

The Bitchy Bookkeeper is my online persona of sorts. 

An outlet for me to state my mind, to express creativity and develop my writing skills. 

It’s also to see if I can make you laugh. At least once per post. 

If I can make myself laugh as I write, once per post, then I know I’m on the write track.

I mean right track. 

I make no apologies for my sense of humor.

Ok, I made myself laugh just now. Good enough. 

Enjoy your day...


Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author 
Former Fantastic Violinist 

Keep in touch, send me an 

email







Monday, August 20, 2018

Let me entertain you

Grand Canyon sunset tour Dec’17
                                                     
I had a dental appointment last week and as customary when getting X-rays, the dental assistant asked me if there was any chance I might be pregnant.

I laughed and said "Nope."  

I told her that I've chosen to be childfree. She then told me that she was thinking about that choice for herself. 

At the end of my appointment, I handed her my business card and told her that I blog about my childfree lifestyle. 

We discussed how nobody talks about choosing to be childfree. 

By the way, Hi, if you are reading this. I know your name but I won't write it here.  You have inspired today's post!

I have no problem being vocal about my childfree choice. I am very secure and comfortable with my decision.

Long ago, I realized my purpose in life is to entertain people. 

How  I entertain people...well, that has been a life long discovery.

Flashback to 3rd grade—I’m in my bedroom, trying to memorize a poem to read in front of the class. Something about a turkey flying out of the oven and ricocheting around the room.

 I remember practicing that word, ricochet,,,,

I so desperately wanted to be funny and awesome and express myself the way I felt inside. But in reality, I stumbled and did not perform the way I wanted to. 

All of my childhood piano and violin recital performances were less than inspired. Technically I was fine, but I was not passionate about classical music. Music comes naturally to me but public performance, not so much. 

As a teenager, I discovered that it was very easy for me to learn to play pop music on the violin and so I spent a couple of years developing a massive repertoire.

I got paid very well to play the Beatles and ABBA and Disney songs on my 100-year-old German violin. 

I just assumed that music was my calling. Until I realized it wasn't. 

That life lesson hurt. 

That dark period of my life was more difficult for me than losing my mother. 

I lost my identity, my focus. And for the first time in my life, I had no clue what I was going toor wanted to—do.

The next 3 years were a blur of network marketing meetings, self-help seminars, bizarre women in business sessions..

All of which led to a relationship which led to another relationship which led to me finding the best job I ever had which led to enough money to take time to travel and discover what makes me passionate...which turns out to be storytelling.

                     My writing room at sunset
This really should be no surprise, I am naturally chatty as hell. Most of my early report cards would say 

“LeNora is a good student, she just talks too much during class.”

I never enjoyed writing, it was a chore during my school days but I always got great marks. My best work was when I would be telling a true life story about myself or others.

Grade 10 English class, I wrote about my childhood and most of the kids in my class ended up asking me if they could read it. I have no idea what they thought about it but they were curious enough to read.

I can list a handful of moments that would serve as hints to my calling, but I am in, let’s say the beta testing stage right now. No need to get ahead of myself. 

But I have a strong feeling about this. When I write and hit the point I’m trying to make, my toes tingle. 

Based on my past experience, I am aware that this won’t be the only creative path I take. I have other areas I feel called to pursue. Public speaking and composing film scores are big ones. 

All in due time. 

Life snowballed in such a way that I can focus 💯 of my time and resources to writing.  So I play around with what feels good and what gets a reaction.

What is getting the biggest reaction is the topic of choosing not to birth and raise humans.
 (Childfree)

It really isn’t a surprise. After all, I started writing about it because there are so few people who discuss it openly. 

Now is the time for my chatty personality to align with my purpose to entertain humanity.

This is a very real issue-choosing not to have children.  Men and women are feeling pressure or guilt or confusion about how they want to live their lives because it doesn’t follow the social norm. 

As I said at the start of this post, I am secure and confident in my choice. It is a natural choice for me.

No one has to understand or even agree with my choice, but here is the funny thing—most parents I talk to completely understand why I wouldn’t want to raise children. 

And for those few people who tell me “ oh, you’ll change your mind one day..”

I just smile and hand them my business card and they get the message.

Ha!


Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author 
Former Fantastic Violinist 

Keep in touch, send me an 
email













Thursday, August 9, 2018

Lessons from famous people Part 3


Who doesn’t love a good celebrity memoir for $10?   

Summer sales at Indigo are the best. 

I love watching the Academy Awards. That’s my Super Bowl. I basically watch every nominated movie I can find in the weeks leading up to the broadcast.

I cast my prediction ballot and then yell at the TV when they give the Oscar to the wrong actor.

I still think Denzel Washington should have won for The Hurricane instead of Kevin Spacey for American Beauty. 

Actually, I think the Academy would have no problem reversing that win now. 

Ha!

Anna Kendrick- Oscar-nominated actress, singer and genuinely hilarious person- paints a killer behind-the-scenes image of award shows.

Like stuffing herself into a bathroom stall while wearing designer couture and trying to pee. 

Next time I see Reese Witherspoon or Meryl on the red carpet, that’s what I’ll be thinking about.

Guys really have it easy. Just whip it out already. 

I like it when famous people talk about money. 

How they spend it, save it, throw it away on ridiculous cars and equally ridiculous long lost family members. 

What I find to be most fascinating is how they live during the moment when their star begins to rise. 

#1 Movie at the box office - their book is suddenly on the bestseller list-their song has gone straight to #1 on the charts. 

Big celebration. 

And then, they get into their 2003 Toyota Echo with its back bumper held together by duct tape and head home to their 2 bedroom apartment that they share with 4 other roommates and a 5th one moving into the bathtub next week. 

Anna spills all the goods on her early days. It's a very funny read that makes you feel OK with where ever you are in life.  Good days and bad days exist for even the most A list.

Stars, they're just like us!

                     Me all glam on my 35th birthday.

The one thing I have in common with Miss Anna Kendrick-Oscar nominated actress, singer and genuinely hilarious person- is that I too feel like a misfit

Always slightly on the outer edges. 

 I've become comfortable and confident in my weirdness. I think something snapped in 7th grade when I found myself in another new city- new school-new people. 

From then on, I hung with various groups but they never felt like my people. 

I love my tiny social circle.  It's not even a circle, really it's an abstract splotch.

My lovely, tiny, social abstract splotch. 

In fact, I'm leaving for a road trip in the morning to visit part of that splotch. Chances are by the time this has been posted, we'll be sitting on the couch laughing at this. It's after midnight now, I'm a bit behind schedule. 

Having a creative outlet saved my life. It truly did. Music was something that came naturally to me and I played my little heart out. 

When you are young and other kids suddenly point out all the ways you are different from most of the group, it really sucks. 

And I will admit, when I got to be part of a group where I wasn't the weirdo, it felt good to point out someone else's oddness. For a moment. 

I grew up in an environment where I was expected to follow a lifestyle designed by the bible. I just remembered the moment when my parents gave me my first bible. I think I was 9. It was during the annual summer convention we attended. 

The brand new bible had gold trim along the top and bottom of the pages and I loved that shiny gold trim. It says somewhere in the Old Testament about the dangers of worshiping golden idols. 

I think I was always a lost cause.  I never quite fit into that group either. I tried, very hard. Didn't work.

You know how I spent my latest birthday? My 35th?

Well I can't tell you what I did on my birthday, after all I was in Vegas.... but yes, I treated myself to 8 days in Vegas, by myself.

It never occurred to me to invite anyone along.

 I thought, 

"Hey, for the first time ever, I'm not working on my birthday. I have a free schedule, money, what should I do?"

I got glammed up every day, drank every day--except for the one day I went to the Grand Canyon.  I drink maybe once every 3 or 4 weeks so I'm a lightweight.  I bought a case of Corona last October and I finally finished it in May of this year. 

But I did Vegas in style. By myself for a week. I loved every second of it. OK, maybe not the part where I locked myself out of my room safe at 1 in the morning on the day I had to be at the airport, but every other second.

Embracing my misfitness has enhanced my independent nature. I travel alone, live alone, dine out alone, my 2nd favorite thing is to go to the movie theatre. Oh, how I love doing that. It deserves its own post. 

The first favorite is, of course, road trips. 

See my Driving Miss LeNora post

Whenever I encounter a younger person who is struggling, as we all do, I tell them  " just get to your 30's. It gets better."

Not that suddenly after 30, I became normal and started fitting in, no. 

What appeared was the courage to say out loud

 " You know, instead of this, I really want to do this. And here is why..."

And the little things that once looked like such enormous obstacles, don't look so big anymore. 

10 years ago, I wouldn't have wanted to spill all of my inner thoughts out for anyone to read. I didn't even want to put my original music online for fear that someone wouldn't like it. I did anyway, but with great reservation. 

This whole "Almost an Author" persona- for a minute, I felt "well I can't contribute my two cents until I have published something to prove that I am a writer and then people will want to read my work. 

Two minutes later, I created this blog as a way to publish my own insights and let everyone the world over read for free and if they like it, wonderful. If not, I won't die. 

That is my difference between 20 and 30.

What actually matters, is not the opinion of my readers-as much as I love you for reading this. 

It's how I feel about what I'm doing as I'm doing it. Whether it be music or writing or road trips or going to the movies.

It makes me smile. I am expressing my inner self, enjoying as I create and experience the beauty and inspiration that surrounds me. 

And with that, I have to sign off now. I managed to get 6 hours of sleep midway through this post but now it's time to shower and head out on the road. 

May you have a lovely day.

Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist

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