Wednesday, July 18, 2018

My childfree epiphany


Do you remember when you were young and casually talking on the playground with your friends, saying things like

" When I grow up and have 3 children..." 


"When I grow up and get married...."


Or that MASH game.. Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House... is there an app for that yet?

My list of people to marry was the longest part of that game. If I were to play it today, I'd add a few females to that list and change House to Hotel Suite. 

As I entered my teen years, I was already all about having a career but still having the "children before 25" conversations with my friends. 

It never occurred to me that I could choose a different path to domestic bliss. 

I knew that not everybody had children, there were reasons why some people didn't have them, but no one ever said to me 

" LeNora, you don't have to be a mother."

I just knew that when I grew up, I wanted to be a violin player and teach music. I figured the stork would magically leave a husband and child at my front door and I would take care of them in between lessons and concerts. 

The violin thing worked out OK, I didn't reach superstardom but I made a decent living. And magically, I realized that I didn't have to get married and have kids. 

I was 22 years old at that point. 


Thank god I wasn't having sex yet because it took me that long to figure out I didn't actually want that life. 

( I didn't have sex until I was 26 but that is an entire novel in and of itself, which will be coming out in the next .......whenever I have the third draft edited.) 

As I am at the beginning of my blog journey and building a readership, I won't spill my entire back story all in one post, especially regarding this topic. 

So back to me being 22 years old and having the "childfree aha moment"

I had stopped by my parent's house to visit with my dad. My mother had recently died and so I would come by to pet the family dog and say hello. 

We must have been discussing my brother, who at 19, was going to become a father.

 I know, when it rains, it pours. 

Dad and I were standing in the kitchen and I said 

" I've realized, I don't HAVE to have children." 

I felt a sense of freedom. I could see life as mine alone to live. 

I could see being in an awesome, healthy, sexy relationship after my 30's. Without kids. 

I could see having various creative careers and enjoying success. 

And so I said, aloud, " I don't want to have children."   

Both my father and brother support my decision to this day. Even my nephews. They both said to me that they are happy with the cousins they have, they don't want any more. 

The purpose of my blog isn't about bashing parenthood, it's not about making fun of famous people, it's not advice on how to make money.  

It's simply my own personal discoveries as I create and live out my dream life. 

And being childfree is a huge part of my dream life. 

Being in my mid 30's, for me there is no more "One day when...."

I'm living my life right now. 

Right Fucking Now.

I woke up around 9am, with the sun streaming through my bedroom bay window. I relaxed in bed for a moment before getting up and going down the hall to my office/yoga room that also has a bay window ( I love bay windows) and got myself into supported fish pose on my foam roller. 

I am the least flexible person you will ever meet so my yoga poses are very minimal. 

I went through a series of stretches, which took about 20 minutes and then I went downstairs to open all the windows. It was already hot and sunny out. 

I made some honey lemon tea, had peanut butter and honey on some leftover rice cakes that my nephew had picked out for a snack and sat down at my kitchen table to write in one of my many journals. 

I read a book for a while, started to work on my professional writer profile and then realized I had to be at the eye doctor at 11:30 so I jumped in the shower and took 30 minutes to do my hair and makeup. 

I had my eye exam, my eyes are beautiful and healthy, said the doctor. 


Outside was pure sunshine and hot so I went for a walk along the pathways nearby.

Just before I became a sweaty mess in my summer dress, I got back into my air-conditioned CX 5 and drove home. I worked some more on my website and this post and actually remembered to drink water. 

The only reason why I didn't make lunch was that I had a dentist appointment at 3pm. I got a dental implant last fall and so today I was getting a scan done for my permanent crown. 

I got back into my car, spent an hour at the dentist and then came home again. Oh, I stopped at the grocery store to buy a BBQ'd chicken because I was getting very hungry and annoyed and cooking wasn't going to happen today. 

Normally, I make myself very nice meals every day. 

I came home, made a chicken and avocado sandwich on ancient grain bread, returned some texts and emails, and got to work writing. 

Of course, I watched my entertainment news as I was going over this post, and the rest of the evening has been editing, listening to music, watching the sunset and texting with friends about life. 

Every day is a different variation. Not full of doctors appointments, but I wake up, see what's on the agenda, and go about my day very much like today. 

And I love it. 

I feel creatively alive, hopeful, relaxed-unless the dentist sticks a needle in my gums like he did today, and focused on my goals. 

There are days where I lie on the couch and watch Netflix till my eyeballs ache but for the most part, a day like today was the right kind of blend for me. 

I feel like the right kind of ME.

Creative, responsible, mostly content and productive. 

The kind of person that my childhood self would look up to. 

In a sense, I am my own child. I still feel the presence of my little self, I make sure she is happy and allowed to express herself. That she is loved and adored.

That stork never left anything on my doorstep but he did deliver to my brother's house. Twice. 

So that lets me off the hook. 


LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist 

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