Too lazy to make breakfast
First world problems. I enjoy living in a time and place where I have access to anything and everything that I could possibly want.
I’ve always thrown myself into my work, making it my identity, determined to feel successful.
I gave it top priority, even over relationships.
It got to the point where I had the money but no time for anything. I wasn’t doing much creatively, but I was learning invaluable lessons about business.
In the back of my mind, something was stirring. I could feel the urge to pursue my own creative path again.
Life was listening and the opportunity arose for me to take some serious time off.
I went from 50 to 0-hours a week.
And I had no idea what to do with myself.
I booked a variety of trips and there were other plans in place. My finances were in order.
I had no worries.
I just wasn’t prepared emotionally to do nothing.
I’d wake up and do a mental checklist of all the things I’d have to do at work.
“Who do I get to yell at today?”
I was so used to working on Saturdays that it was weeks before I remembered to delete that horrible alarm.
6 AM....”oh for fuck’s sake!”
Doing nothing does not come naturally to me.
I have a habit of planning out the next week before I’ve even begun the current week.
I’ll be eating supper and planning out breakfast.
I think my compulsion for planning came about when I discovered that it made adults think I was responsible and mature.
That means a lot to a 10-year-old.
Currently having a lazy week in the sun.
I will admit that I did worry about something...
What do I tell people when they ask me what I do?
What a stupid way of greeting people.
Hi, I’m so and so..so...what do you do?
I got a handle on that real quick.
The conversation goes something like this..
“So, you married?”
“ What do you do for a living?”
I love it!
If people are curious, they ask questions and I tell them whatever they wish to know. Some people, however, have no idea what to say next.
Now, remember, I’m not raising a family, I have no debt, I have money and I am writing a book so I am not floating aimlessly around this planet.
But it’s fun to mess with people a bit. Depends on what kind of mood I’m in.
Outwardly appearing ambitious was a big thing for me in my 20s. It was my way of impressing people. I had my shit together.
I was exhausted all the time but I had my shit together.
I got to tell people that I was a Violinist, that I was a teacher.
My most recent identity, I got to tell people I was an office manager for a bakery.
Not as glamorous as a Violinist but I loved my work. That job brought me to where I am today.
So, over the course of my year off, I learned to relax. I walked in nature. I started doing yoga.
I discovered new music—different genres like electro swing and new bands like Fleetwood Mac. 😃
I thought a lot about what matters to me, how I want to spend my life.
I got to visit family members. I spent a lot of time with my nephews.
I stayed for 3 days with my uncle last August and then he passed away in this past January.
I cannot tell you how glad I am that I got that opportunity.
Anytime that I question whether or not I’m wasting my time and resources, I think back to that moment and how important it was.
Doing nothing is not nothing.
Be it for a minute, a day, a week, a year.
Ideas form. Tensions ease.
The chaos of living pauses.
I learned to make choices from a different place. Not from panic or fear, but from inspiration.
I got to spend time with myself and my dreams, living some of them out, developing others.
I created a mission statement and an elevator pitch for my writing.
Moments of clarity happen more frequently now.
Now, when people ask me what I do, I tell them that I am a creative lifestyle writer.
The funny thing is, that draws more blank stares than when I said I did nothing.
Can’t win ’em all...
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Former Fantastic Violinist