Sunday, December 30, 2018

What Is Life After 30 Without Children?


Today’s post is inspired by a question I find alarming and sad but is a valid concern for many. 

What is life after 30 ( or life in general) if one decides not to have children?

As a 36 year old woman who has chosen not to have children, I can tell you that there is beauty in living childfree. Beyond the travel, the sleep, the extra cash, there is a deep sense of purpose.
In my case, I share my daily life and inner thoughts as a childfree by choice person with others who struggle with this decision. 
I am someone who doesn’t gain energy from other people and having to be a caregiver to little humans would not serve me well.
I’m an active aunt to two nephews and I like kids, but I love that someone else gives birth to and raises them.
As a childfree person you can 
  • play a key role in being a friend-an ally to a child. 
  • show them that being an adult is worthwhile. 
  • show them by living a full life and pursuing your interests. 
Children see their tired parents. They hear “no” a lot and they see adults struggle in daily life. We all struggle, but children need to see that there is more to life beyond the bubble of home.
Being childfree, I live a life that my young self dreamed about. I knew I didn’t want to be a mother. I made my choices with full intent on living well until the day I die. It’s not always easy but it is satisfying.
It takes imagination and focus, especially when society demands we all procreate. However, when people are honest, you will find out the real story about having children.
Forging a life as a non parent may seem empty to some, but I have the support of everyone who knows me. My own dreams and goals and life purpose require my attention and life brings me the support I need to be this person I get to be.
You do not have to be a parent. It is up to YOU to discover what makes you happy and fulfilled, not the diaper commercials you see on TV.

This holiday season was one for the books. I had a specific vision for it and I followed through with it. The end result has left me well rested with great memories and some very sparkly gifts.  

Christmas morning, I woke up at 9. All was calm. I went downstairs, turned on my white tree and made a pot of coffee. I invited one person over for Xmas and we exchanged presents before a breakfast of oatmeal and banana bread. 

As I had hosted a full family lunch and dinner the previous weekend, Christmas Day felt like a bonus. My lovely townhouse was clean and I had appetizers and baking premade. 

We just ate and watched movies and laughed. 

A fridge full of food, some new favorite things and well wishes from friends and family and best of all, a place to call home. 


This time of year brings up a lot of emotion. Some people dread spending time with family and the enviable “So when are you going to have kids?”

I saw a lot of chatter among the childfree crowd on how to deal with this question. I used to get so annoyed when defending my position of wanting to remain childless. Now, I can’t wait for people to ask me. 

Because I have a blog to promote. 

But here’s the thing, since it no longer bothers me, no one asks me when I’m going to have kids. 

I have childfree business cards and everything. 

Perhaps that is the answer. Have something to promote. Then the questions will stop.

Example 

Random person/relative: “Hey so when are you going to have your own bundle of joy? Time is ticking ya know.”

You: “It’s funny you mention that, by the way, I have this awesome website you should check out. It answers all your questions about the state of my reproductive system and my sexual urges.”

Let me know how it goes. Ha!


All the best in the New Year.


Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author 
Former Fantastic Violinist 


lenorafaye.com for more childfree entertainment. 




Tuesday, December 4, 2018

My Own Brand of Christmas



 After 35 years of somewhat dreading the holiday season, I began celebrating Christmas in November this year. I waited until after Thanksgiving (which is in October here in Canada), I waited until after Remembrance Day.

 I set up my brand new fluffy white 6 foot tall tree and went shopping for ornaments. This is my first full size Christmas tree ever. 

 I had a pink mini tree set up for when my nephews came to visit and I gave them an early Christmas. I then left that tree up in the corner for 3 years. I used it as a lamp. 

 This week, I’m going to get garland and more white lights to decorate my living room bay window. My lovely townhouse is going to be magazine worthy. At least to me.

 I grew up in a religion that didn’t recognize Christmas. December 25 was also my late mother’s birthday so for the first 22 years of my life, she was the only person in our household who got presents.

 In elementary school, I would proudly explain that I didn’t celebrate the holiday, covering up my embarrassment of not being able to tell my friends all the stuff I got for Christmas and that I didn’t have a tree.

 My worst post-Christmas return to school was in 8th Grade when virtually all the kids in my class got Nike sweaters with the swoosh on the front. I really felt left out then. I was already a weird kid and this was a new school for me so no one really knew my backstory.

 My first true Xmas morning happened at 17 when I went out of town to visit a friend for the holidays. Her family opened presents that morning and even had some for me. Best. Christmas. Ever. I still have a teddy bear I got. 

 During my 10 years as a violin teacher, my students would give me gifts at Christmas so that was a lot of fun. I got some really nice stuff. I also would put on a small party for my students. An Xmas recital of sorts. Lots of food, presents and violin practice. 


 Because I have no traditions, I've mostly just gone along with whatever was happening around me. Sometimes I'd help decorate a tree or go skating or have dinner. Watch movies, sleep, house sit. 

 No year has been the same.  




I am agnostic. I don’t believe Jesus existed. Even if he did, it wouldn’t matter to me. There are parts of the Bible that give great messages and I don’t dispute that, but I don’t buy into any religion. Not after my upbringing.

My dad remarried after my mom passed and his wife celebrates Christmas. It’s weird to see a tree and decorations in his house but he’s pretty cool about the whole thing now a days. My brother has two children and his baby mama celebrates the holiday so they have a nice dinner and exchange presents. I love giving my nephews gifts.

This year, I moved into a lovely 3 story townhouse and have lots of space to entertain. I told my dad and my brother that I wanted to host a family Christmas dinner. This was back in June. I was already planning my tree and the menu.

Of course, they both looked at me funny but said “Sure, sounds fun.”

By October, I forced them to pick a date that worked and now dinner is all set for the 22nd. I’ve assigned appetizers and desserts, I already have their gifts wrapped. My Spotify playlist is ready as are the holiday movies we will be watching all day.


Keeping the holiday merry and bright on your own terms.

As I’m childfree by choice and live alone on purpose, my Christmas Eve and Christmas morning don’t resemble the photos that are usually posted on social media. 

Last year, I rented a condo with a hot tub in the mountains and Christmas morning, I posted a photo of my surroundings. I will admit I got some joy getting envious responses from weary parents. It was a peaceful as it looks.
  
                            

My parents didn’t raise me around other family so I’m used to a very quiet holiday season. I prefer it, to be honest. For 5 years, I tagged along to my boyfriend’s family Christmas festivities but all I wanted to do was sit on the couch and watch movies.

This is my favorite way to spend December 24th and December 25th. Movies, a comfy oversize couch, glittery decor, chocolates, sparkling wine and a rib roast.

I recently read that the Queen of England leaves her holiday decorations up until February 6th, in honor of her father’s passing. This year, I’m following suit. In honor of my childhood self who longed for something of a normal Christmas.

I don't expect gifts this year, just from my brother and from the person who occasionally shares my bed.  I've told them both to get me something cute and sparkly. An ornament, a candle, I don't care. I just want something wrapped in pretty packaging to open on Christmas.

I have everything I really want right now anyway.

I can understand why this time of year is depressing for people

I’ve long gotten passed my wish for someone to give me a magical Christmas. I take matters into my own hands. Most people would hate my quiet Christmas Day. I sometimes feel the collective letdown holiday blues as the evening rolls around.

Here in Canada, December 26 is our Black Friday. Stores open early, crowds rush to find the best deals. That’s the real Christmas for some. A few years ago, I bought myself a really nice TV. I still have it and love it. I actually bought it online just before midnight on the 25th.

Merry Xmas to me eh?



My love for being an adult is really amplified when I can give myself the experiences I longed for as a kid. Because I’m not preoccupied raising humans, my time and resources are devoted to exploring a life that speaks to me.

Creating a winter wonderland in my home for my family to come over and enjoy is awesome. Even now, I dance in my kitchen to carols, admiring the sparkly ornaments I’ve bought. My list of holiday baking is growing by the minute.

No one is going to really know all the effort I put into Christmas this year. I’m certainly not going to have the best posts for social media, that’s not my motivation. I will make a point to say how I’m celebrating Christmas my way and not with the traditional chaos.

The funny thing is, Christmas is about giving. Giving to others.

Who says you can’t give yourself the best Christmas ever?
I mean if you want to compare notes, I give to the food bank and to charity all year. I give clothing and food more so than money. I’m a bit wary of giving cash. At least food and clothing are going to get used properly. Generosity at Christmas is expected and it’s good but sometimes misguided.

 Come January, people are still cold and starving.

It’s not about buying myself a shit ton of gifts for Xmas morning. I realized I like looking at wrapped gifts more than I need to have them to open. I decided to fancy wrap candy and just leave it under the tree until Feb 6th because I love silver and gold wrapping paper.

I think this comes from all those years as a child, looking at decorations and the pretty boxes wrapped under department store trees for effect.

It’s possible in years to come ( I hate the expression but I need to use it) I may have larger Xmas celebrations. I may one day, finally figure out what Christmas means to me. I may find out that it doesn’t mean a thing and I no longer want a tree and to decorate.

Last December, I took myself to Vegas for my 35th birthday. For an entire week. It was awesome. I had never been to the desert before and seeing decorations and hearing carols playing with not a hint of snow and 20 degree weather (Celsius) was weird. Cool but weird.

 I live in Alberta Canada so around these parts, it’s snowy. I don’t have a dog sled but I do skate.

I turn 36 this week and I’m more into Christmas than birthday. I’m getting my nails done, having dinner with friends and relaxing. Maybe buy a few more ornaments.

Most of all, I just want to enjoy the season as it happens. Enjoy the sights and sounds, be thankful I can give myself the life I want and continue to explore what I came to do in this life.

I hope that the season finds you well, however you spend it. Do something small to make yourself smile. Your smile will inspire someone else.

Happy Holidays!
                                                


Sincerely, 



LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist

Want more? Visit lenorafaye.com






Friday, November 23, 2018

Snoop Dogg’s Walk of Fame Speech




 "I want to thank me for believing in me, I want to thank me for doing all this hard work," 

 "I wanna thank me for having no days off. I wanna thank me for never quitting. I wanna thank me for always been a giver and trying to give more than I receive. I want to thank me for trying to do more right than wrong. I want to thank me for just being me at all times.”

Snoop Dogg-Nov 19, 2018

I watched this recap on Entertainment Tonight and it made me laugh. 

Four years ago, Matthew McConaughey gave his Oscar acceptance speech in which he said his hero was himself 10 years from now.

I totally agree with both of these men. 

Today I woke up in a state of peace, despite having the influenza virus. A week ago, I realized I was sick after my mind was in a constant state of doom. It took a lot of effort to not get sucked into a pit of despair. I don't get sick very often but when I do, it knocks me out. The best thing for me is a place that is quiet and comfortable and that's on a good day. 

As I puttered around my house, I felt very grateful that I had taken the initiative to find this lovely place I call home. I felt very grateful for the way I decorated and organized. Even my garage is tidy. I remember forcing myself to spend a warm afternoon going through each box-emptying the contents and either throwing it away or putting it to use. 
"This is so boring!" I complained to myself.  "Yes, it is but you will thank me later when it's done and you never have to worry about it again." 

Sure enough, I've thanked myself for organizing my garage every time it hailed or two feet of snow fell over night and I didn't have to deal with what my neighbors were dealing with because my car was parked inside. 

We are taught as children to say thank you. We have holidays to observe our gratitude and give thanks for sacrifices made by others. No one succeeds solely on their own. Even I know that, Ms Independent till death. 

But, taking a moment to appreciate yourself for taking initiative, for imagining a life into reality, for making choices to better your circumstances-is very important. 

Some days, you are the only person who will give you the recognition you deserve. 

You are the only one who truly knows all that you do for yourself and why you do it. You get yourself out of bed. You groom yourself and make an effort to put your best self forward. 

No one is going to appreciate the effort more than you will. 

I live alone. No one else sees the inside of my dwelling place on a daily basis other than me. I could post a thousand photos showing off the decor on Instagram or Facebook and get some likes. 

Even when I have family and friends over, they see it, they enjoy the space, they comment on how lovely and comfortable my place is. But they see the end result. 

Everything I have achieved or accomplished in my life, only I have witnessed the behind the scenes effort. 

Now, I'm referring to human eyes. Whether you believe in God/Creative Force/The Universe-whatever name you give it, the energy that supports us knows the effort we make. 

The outcome of such effort is ever evolving and largely beyond our control. Life has certainly thrown me a present a time or two which is encouraging. 

The other side of this is blaming everyone else for your problems and not taking responsibility. Which would be like saying-" I haven't vacuumed in six months but it's your fault that my place is dirty."

Don't be that person. 


Have a lovely day.


Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist



lenorafaye.com




Thursday, November 8, 2018

Why I May Never Make a Good Wife


The last two pages of my childhood diary have been left blank for the day I get engaged and the day I get married.


At 12 years old, I wrote about all the crushes I had and how much my parents annoyed me. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to get married. I decided that one day in the distant future I would let my 12 year old self know how it went.


24 years later, those pages are still blank.



Wait, wait, this isn’t a sob story. This is suppose to be funny. I laugh because I can’t imagine being married right now. My 12 year old self was curious. I can’t fault her for that. 

I looked at the last entry and it was from 10 years ago. I was 25 and about to embark on a journey that would begin in disaster.

Since I’m not interested in procreating, I don’t go out of my way to find someone who is husband material. For the record, I like both men and women but don’t label my sexuality.

I like the company of men, I feel as though I have more in common with them. A part of me wants to be a man but I was given a woman’s body and so I let it be.

I frequently say-
I’m coming back in my next life as Leonardo DiCaprio.

Excellent career, cute, gets hot girls, enjoys the freedom of being a man.



I am a cute, biracial, Canadian woman who has some money. I focus on living a good life that speaks to me and hopefully encourages a few people to go against the grain. I don’t know why I’m feeling compelled to write about relationships. It’s not like I have advice to give. I’ve never been engaged or married.

I’ve had a handful of flings and one long term relationship. I don’t date. I don’t do apps. I have a lover at the moment, because why not?

Having a career was always top priority. Being able to take care of myself made me feel accomplished. It feels natural. I like the idea of marriage after 40. I give myself a great home life. I’m financially stable, I have my own life and interests, I have no kids.


Great. I sound like someone I’d be interested in dating. 


I also need tons of alone time.
I don’t want to spend holidays with anyone’s family. No vacationing with friends. I won’t even vacation with my own friends and I love them to bits. Vacations are for me alone. 

I also like having 1400 sq feet to myself. No animals in the house. I don’t want to come home to a house full of people. My home is my sanctuary, my sacred space. It must be available to meet my need for isolation at all times.


Holy hell.


I learned a lot about myself when I was in a relationship. Everything I've just mentioned are actual discoveries. For the last four years, I’ve focused on creating my ideal home life.

I rarely feel lonely. 
I don’t get energy from people. When I socialize, I have a very big personality and by the time I get home, I’m ready to hibernate for a week or more.


My parents gave me a great example of marriage.
I disagree with a large portion of how my parents chose to raise me. However, they had a kind and caring relationship that I admired. 

My mother passed away when I was 22. She was 47, diagnosed with Lupus and it proved to be fatal.

That night after she passed, my dad shared with me and my brother how he had carried his wife (my mom) down the stairs and held her in his arms. They talked, just the two of them and agreed that things would be alright.

She was very weak, she had chosen to stay at home instead of the hospital.

I left home at 18 so I didn’t seen the decline of my mother’s health as much as my father and brother did. My mom mentioned, a lot, how patient and good my dad had been throughout her illness. 

Years later, my father said he didn’t think twice about it. She was his best friend. They had been married for 27 years. College sweethearts.

Till death.

So right there-the expectation I have of myself to be that person is so high, I fear massive failure.
I am not a caregiver. No fur babies for me and as you can see from most of my blog posts, no human babies. 

It’s not that I don’t give a shit. I’m just not called to that role.


It’s possible that 10 to 45 years from now, I will fill out those last two pages in my childhood diary.

The nice thing about life is that it gives you the chance to try things and make adjustments. I have the ability and confidence to state what I need. 

To myself, to others. I can acknowledge and share my fear of failure both in career and relationships. I can state my intentions, my hopes, my plans.

Marriage is not on my checklist of things I need. What is of importance to me is a secure and loving space to call home. Right now, I am able to give that to myself.

I can invite someone into this space, if we share a similar life vision. It’s not about getting to a 50 year anniversary or having the most spectacular, sparkling wedding. (I’ve performed at enough to know I’d elope.)

If I do become a wife, my spouse will enjoy a clean house and a delicious homemade meal. I may not be home but the personal chef and housekeeper will be.


Ha!

Have a lovely day.



Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist


Sunday, November 4, 2018

Being selfish gets a bad rap





I enjoy living alone.


This past spring, in a moment of inspiration, I began looking for a new place to live. My lease was up and the place I called home was no longer doing it for me.


I found a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom townhouse, complete with an attached garage and 4 bay windows. It reminded me of San Francisco, except for the price. Perks of living in a city on the Canadian Prairies.


The owner asked me the standard questions and when I told her I would be living here alone, she asked me what I needed three bedrooms for. I told her I needed a spare bedroom and an office.


Lined up outside, waiting to view, were young couples and some with children. I had competition. But I believed in my references and excellent credit report and so I said to myself,


“ this place is mine.”


Sure enough, a month later, I moved in.



October was the first month I actually stayed home. I’ve spent
 5 months taking road trips, because I have this fantasy of living in two different places.


I’m not domestic. I chose not to have children, but I love being an aunt. I
 learned how to clean so I keep a tidy house. I enjoy dancing in my kitchen and cooking meals for myself. When I do laundry and clean the bathrooms, I remind myself that I’m living my childhood dream of living alone.


I’ve lived alone for years, off and on since 18 but never in a place as nice as what I live in now.


I host family dinners. I have a small family-one brother, two nephews and my dad. I also have a sister in law and my dad’s wife. I don’t call her my stepmom because I was 27 when my father remarried. My mother passed away, 14 years ago.


I don’t feel bad about my lifestyle. I don’t have pets, I keep plants that need watering maybe every 2 weeks.



I put my needs first because I am the only person who is paying my bills.


The calendar on my phone has numerous dates earmarked for my nephews. Either they are visiting me for the weekend or my brother has asked me to hang out with them for the evening when he is working late.


I don’t hesitate to say yes when he asks. Not because I want to spend my evening cooking and helping with homework and making sure they get to bed on time. I say yes because I like seeing my nephews and I want to be a fantastic aunt.


When they come visit me, which is usually once a month, the kids know we will go shopping at the mall. I will take them swimming and we will eat all the foods they like to eat. In return, I get to be the fun adult without the daily responsibility.



We get jobs to pay our bills. We want a certain lifestyle and do what we must to acquire it.


People get married and have families to fulfill their needs. My needs are different. I need plenty of space to myself. I need to pursue my path. I happen to view much of domestic life as a distraction.


While I currently do my own cooking and cleaning, I have no issue with one day affording a chef and a housekeeper.


During my days as a violinist, my apartment was disgusting. I did have someone come and clean every two weeks. I didn’t know how to cook. I was too busy practicing, teaching and performing.



My joy comes from providing myself with a good life. I don’t think that is wrong.


I’ve never been a “Yes” person, I have no problem saying “No”. But then again, the people in my small social circle are all self reliant. We support one another in our aspirations but there seems to be an understanding that we are responsible for our own affairs.


I have this habit of being really social for a period of time and then disappearing for awhile.


Self preservation.


I think maybe, I’m talking a good game. Sure, I’ve spent the last 17 months doing whatever I wanted. Time and money collided so I seized the opportunity.


Prior that this, I worked 50 hours a week for five and a half years for a small company. But I enjoyed that job. It gave me what I needed while I figured out my next move after the violin career.


So while I dedicated most of my time to that job, it was really all about me. I gained a lot from that experience, not just a pay check. I’ve maintained a friendship with the owners since their retirement and I’ve been able to enjoy a year or more long vacation.


Growing up, I never viewed motherhood as something to look forward too. How happy was I when I realized I had a choice. While I do like to help people, contrary to everything I’ve said so far, I don’t enjoy the daily obligation of being legally and morally responsible for another human life.


Living a life as a non parent is judged as being selfish. Some parents get on their high horse and declare their selflessness in raising children. But they chose to raise children for their own needs.


Or if the child was an accident, declaring me selfish for not wanting children is one way to try and drag me into their misery. Most of us childfree by choice people have become aware of this tactic.


I choose to keep myself happy and healthy-well, I need to cut way back on the sugar-but I don’t surround myself with chaos.


I recently reactivated my Twitter account, after repeatedly opening the app and wondering what the hell I should have Twitter for. So I did an experiment. Instead of tweeting, I began looking for other childfree people.


I read their articles, listened to their podcasts, liked their tweets and began to engage with them. While my following is tiny, I get daily engagement back now.


For me, the whole point of writing is to share my stories in an entertaining manner. Well, that’s not the whole point. I also am desperate for content I can relate to. Many of the topics floating around, while interesting to read, I cannot relate to.


So even my writing is selfish. I still don’t feel bad about that

Thursday, November 1, 2018

Motherhood Isn’t Mandatory



Yesterday on Twitter, someone posted an article they wrote for the Huffington Post about being 40+ and childfree. 

I was excited to read it

As I continue my own writing about being childfree, I spend a lot of time reading up on the topic. Not stats and research, but personal accounts from people who share their experiences.

I initially assumed that I would be able to identify with anyone who doesn’t have children. 

That’s not the case. 

This particular article was written by a woman who has actually tried for awhile to get pregnant naturally. When it didn’t happen, she gave up.

She writes about feeling guilty for not trying harder for a child.

No adopting. 

No fertility treatments. 

She felt like she could or should have done more to bring a child into this world but she didn’t feel like it. 

I skimmed over the rest of the article, I didn’t connect with it. But it made me think.

There are a lot of people who don’t have children but a good portion have actually wanted babies at some point in time. 

I’ve always made it clear upfront that I have no interest in parenthood. I live in a country where abortions are legal and paid for. I know where the local clinic is in my city.

I am not shy about this. Mind you, I've never had a pregnancy scare. 



I think it sucks that people feel guilty about not wanting to bring a child into this world

I view parenthood as a distraction. Personally, having to focus on someone else’s needs when I have my own life path to follow just doesn’t work. 

My peers are having gender reveal parties and baby showers and getting gifts for procreating. I don't get presents for helping with crowd control. 

I've never felt this was unfair-never occurred to me, really. 

Mostly because I see the years of work ahead of new parents and I figure what's a few baby blankets and toys that make noise when you step on them in the middle of the night?

Now, I've heard from childless individuals whose parents leave money to the offspring who have children instead of it being evenly distributed. 

" Since you don't have children, you don't need as much money." 
 
  
That, I disagree with but I haven't had that experience.






I’ve had a struggle with publishing original articles this week. I gave this blog a rest as I worked on some pieces for another publication.

Feeling sluggish and unmotivated, I took a few days to putter around my townhouse and journal and watch movies. I found some new recipes to try out for dinner, did some clothes shopping and danced to music. 

Oh and carved a pumpkin for Halloween. Then I got an email notifying me of my first royalty payment for some articles I had written last month. 

Money is a great motivator.


When I set my sights on something that I want, I go after it. This year, I haven’t held a 9-5. I took some courses, got a new vehicle, a nicer place to live and tickets to see Elton John in concert. 

That was my plan for 2018.

I also got more clear on the life I want for myself for the next 4 years as well as into my 40’s.

Guess what?

It doesn’t involve a relationship or children.

Oh my god God.

I am a weird woman. I am a woman in body, sure. But I don’t connect with the image of what a women should be, according to our society. 

I have a small family-a brother, a dad, two nephews. I have fun hosting our family dinners. 

And then they leave and I get my house to myself. 

I view my intended long life as an opportunity to explore as many creative areas as I desire. And I desire a lot. 

I love business, I love having money. I love to express myself in a manner that entertains people.

That is what gets me out of bed in the morning. Not screaming children who need me to help them get ready for school. 

Although I usually wake up around the time the 9 AM school bell goes off across the park from where I live.

Screaming children galore. 

Ha!


Have a lovely day.


Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist 









Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Non caffeinated pick me ups.


Morning coffee is a new thing for me, since the summertime. It takes me two hours to finish a cup. 

My morning routine does not exist. I love the feeling of waking up, laying in bed as the morning sunshine streams through the half open blinds of my bedroom bay window. 

Then I sleep for another hour. 

After a couple hours of coffee and writing, I found myself standing in the middle of my bedroom feeling low on emotional energy. 

Sometimes I chastise myself for not fully appreciating everything I have.

The problems of the past don’t exist. I’ve made choices to better my life but it doesn’t stop here. 

Everyday I need to build a little bit more onto the life I’ve made for myself. 

But in these moments where I need a fix, a jolt, a dash of joy, what do I do?


Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you that I meditated or did yoga poses that open my 3rd eye. 

I asked myself what sounds like fun on a warm sunny Tuesday?


French toast with strawberries and bacon at my favourite diner. 

Ooh-cheap ticket Tuesday at the movie theatre. 


I got a call from a friend and we chatted for half an hour. Then I spent an hour getting ready because I enjoy grooming myself. 

I sat in the oversized booth of the diner, the smiling waitress took my order and I gazed out the window. 

The smell of food being grilled and the sounds of surrounding conversation made me think of my college days.

I’d sit in a similar diner and write in my journal. 

After devouring my plate of french toast and bacon, I went to the mall. The bookstore was already promoting Christmas decor. 

I don’t celebrate but I’m getting a tall, white tree this year and saw numerous glittery ornaments I want. 

I then made the mistake of going into Pottery Barn. Luckily I walked out with only a few candles and a plan to buy blankets on Black Friday. 

On the way into the mall, I was approached by a young teen asking for spare change. 

Depending on the vibe I get from the person, sometimes I give money. I didn’t feel OK with digging into my purse at that particular moment and so I didn’t stop. 

My rule of thumb is-my safety comes first. Always.

The movie started and to my surprise, it was set in San Francisco. So I spent two hours enjoying shots of the Golden Gate Bridge and cable cars and the steep streets lined with townhouses that I obsess over. 

Oh and Tom Hardy wasn’t bad to look at either. 



I bought a pumpkin and some flowers for my kitchen table. 


Pumpkin photos will be saved for next week. 

I enjoyed my day out. 

I’ve been writing articles for an online publication-it’s members only but I write similar to how I write my blog. It’s a way to make some money without putting ads up. 

This morning I woke to a bunch of comments and validation that my writing is reaching some people. 

It was a boost to keep me motivated to write. A lot of time, I’m motivating myself with visions of my future life. 

But when other people tell me they identify with what I write or they share their own thoughts, I feel nice. Interaction with my writing is awesome. 

I’ll tell you something-aside from all the things I tell you anyway-writing is one thing, building an audience is another. 

Engaging with other writers, reading their work, commenting on their work and sharing my experiences on the topics they write about is what’s giving me an audience. 

I’m reading as much as I’m writing. Good thing I’ve decided to hibernate this winter. 


Have a lovely day.


Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author 
Former Fantastic Violinist 












Monday, October 22, 2018

Money talks with my nephews

One evening when my nephews were over to visit, we were watching a movie and suddenly the oldest boy whispers something to his little brother and they run upstairs to my guest room. 


Several minutes later, they come back down and sit side by side on the oversized ottoman I have in the bay window. 

" We have something to tell you" says nephew #2.  Nephew #1 is looking a bit nervous. 

"What did you break?" I ask. The kids have never broken anything in all their years staying over so I'm not too concerned. 

"Nothing" says nephew #1.  " It's just...." he trails off.  

"OK, now you're scaring me" I say as I'm trying not to laugh.

" It's nothing bad" says his little brother. "He doesn't really know how to ask."

"Ask me what??" 

Nephew #1 looks like he is about to puke. 
" You know how we saw those toys we really liked at the mall?"

"Yes," I reply. 

Silence follows. Nephew #2 is sitting on his hands, glancing at his brother.
  

" Well, I've never seen them before.... and our parents probably won't know to go to that store and get them....................." nephew #1 stammers. 

Nephew #2 decides to step in to give his brother a break. 

 "We were thinking that instead of buying us something next time we come visit, you could buy us that toy now."





My inner reaction was laughter, I thought something serious had happened. 

Being an aunt, I could totally run back to the mall and buy them whatever.
However, I had already let them each get a new toy and we had gone to the wave pool two days in a row and I bought them an app to make videos. 
I took a moment to think before speaking.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to have that toy” I said.
“ I’m pretty sure you will get it. The thing is, I have to pay a lot of money at the end of the month for this nice place I live in.”

“Oh, OK” both boys said in unison. They sounded oddly upbeat.

“ Are you guys OK with that?” I asked

“Yes” they replied.

We then returned to watching the movie.

I don’t like saying “No” to them. 

Because kids hear rejection all the time. My nephews know that I don’t buy them everything they want either.

They get to choose something they feel excited about. This wasn’t the first time my oldest nephew has tried to negotiate extra stuff.

The older they get, the more they will try, I’m sure.

What occurred to me in that moment was I needed to remind them that I have financial obligations that are important.
They had no problem with me choosing to pay my rent over a toy.

I make an effort to speak in positive terms about money, most days.

It’s not about pretending I have more money than I actually do.

For me, it’s about using money to take care of my basic needs in a manner that suits me. I don’t complain about my bills because I enjoy everything I have.

I’d much rather be seen as responsible than frivolous in the eyes of my nephews. They have asked me how much it costs to have a car and how much I have to pay to live where I do.
And I tell them.

They know when they come visit, they get to pick out their own food, we go to the mall, we go swimming and rent movies.

 It’s important to me that they enjoy coming to visit.
It’s also important to my brother that his kids get out of the house from time to time.


Have a lovely day.


Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author 
Former Fantastic Violinist 






Friday, October 19, 2018

Is the road to Heaven paved with diapers?



From birth, I grew up in a home that was heavily influenced by a nameless religion that holds its church services in the homes of its congregation. 


Don’t write unless you are prepared to be honest. Because in telling your story, certain things have to come out that you perhaps hoped would remain buried in the past.




The scene opens on a regular living room

15 or so folding chairs are set up in a circle, along with a couch and an easy chair. In the middle of the room is a coffee table with a small dish of bread and a glass of grape juice. 




On the couch sits a women in her late 20’s, with 3 children and maybe a baby in a car seat on the floor.

 She also has a large diaper bag filled with books and quiet toys and a container filled with dry Cheerios used to bribe the young kids to sit still. 

Each person in the room holds a bible and a hymn book.

Songs are sung, prayers are made and each person over the age of 5 takes a turn standing up to read a chosen passage from the bible, along with their personal thoughts.

Now it’s the young mother’s turn to speak. 

30 minutes into the service and the baby has been non stop fussing.

 The 2 year old spilled Cheerios everywhere and the 5 year old twins have decided to take turns hitting themselves in the head with their mini bibles. 

Another woman sitting nearby graciously takes the wailing baby so the mother 
can struggle to get up off the couch.

 She adjusts her wrinkled, floor length cotton skirt and tries to spit out her testimony in between a fit of tears.

A flurry of fist fights between her kids break out behind her. 





I’m 7 years old and watching this women as she sobs about the “struggle to maintain a pure heart” while dealing with everyday life.

 Her husband is away, working to support the family. 

I think to myself
“Is this what my life is going to be like, as a woman?”   


Since I had to attend 3 church services a week, I witnessed this scenario at least once every 7 days. 




                                                                         Me at age 7

 I'm not a big believer in fate. I believe in the power of decision.

As a young girl, I may not have had the words to say exactly what I felt but I knew that I didn't want to become that woman with the 4 kids.


I removed myself from that religion, focusing solely on my music studies and a career.

When I did get into relationships, I made it perfectly clear that children were not an option. 


My immediate circle of trusted friends and family have always supported my choice. But everyday society does not. 


As I connect with more and more people who have chosen not to have kids, we discuss how isolating the experience is overall.  

I don't begrudge anyone for having children. 


What I do have an issue with is-certain people who feel that life is worthless unless you are a parent. 

But what I have come to learn is those people who are most insecure about their choice to raise kids, try the hardest to convince me I'm missing out. 

A lot of belittlement happens and it is not OK. I'm not trying to convince anyone that my choice is better. 


I am speaking out to hopefully help someone who is feeling suffocated by the avalanche of procreation pressure from society. 

More importantly, I'm living my life how I want to because being all talk and no action helps no one.






Have a lovely day, 


LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist

Feel free to leave a comment, share this post, you can contact me here on my website-lenorafaye.com