Friday, November 23, 2018

Snoop Dogg’s Walk of Fame Speech




 "I want to thank me for believing in me, I want to thank me for doing all this hard work," 

 "I wanna thank me for having no days off. I wanna thank me for never quitting. I wanna thank me for always been a giver and trying to give more than I receive. I want to thank me for trying to do more right than wrong. I want to thank me for just being me at all times.”

Snoop Dogg-Nov 19, 2018

I watched this recap on Entertainment Tonight and it made me laugh. 

Four years ago, Matthew McConaughey gave his Oscar acceptance speech in which he said his hero was himself 10 years from now.

I totally agree with both of these men. 

Today I woke up in a state of peace, despite having the influenza virus. A week ago, I realized I was sick after my mind was in a constant state of doom. It took a lot of effort to not get sucked into a pit of despair. I don't get sick very often but when I do, it knocks me out. The best thing for me is a place that is quiet and comfortable and that's on a good day. 

As I puttered around my house, I felt very grateful that I had taken the initiative to find this lovely place I call home. I felt very grateful for the way I decorated and organized. Even my garage is tidy. I remember forcing myself to spend a warm afternoon going through each box-emptying the contents and either throwing it away or putting it to use. 
"This is so boring!" I complained to myself.  "Yes, it is but you will thank me later when it's done and you never have to worry about it again." 

Sure enough, I've thanked myself for organizing my garage every time it hailed or two feet of snow fell over night and I didn't have to deal with what my neighbors were dealing with because my car was parked inside. 

We are taught as children to say thank you. We have holidays to observe our gratitude and give thanks for sacrifices made by others. No one succeeds solely on their own. Even I know that, Ms Independent till death. 

But, taking a moment to appreciate yourself for taking initiative, for imagining a life into reality, for making choices to better your circumstances-is very important. 

Some days, you are the only person who will give you the recognition you deserve. 

You are the only one who truly knows all that you do for yourself and why you do it. You get yourself out of bed. You groom yourself and make an effort to put your best self forward. 

No one is going to appreciate the effort more than you will. 

I live alone. No one else sees the inside of my dwelling place on a daily basis other than me. I could post a thousand photos showing off the decor on Instagram or Facebook and get some likes. 

Even when I have family and friends over, they see it, they enjoy the space, they comment on how lovely and comfortable my place is. But they see the end result. 

Everything I have achieved or accomplished in my life, only I have witnessed the behind the scenes effort. 

Now, I'm referring to human eyes. Whether you believe in God/Creative Force/The Universe-whatever name you give it, the energy that supports us knows the effort we make. 

The outcome of such effort is ever evolving and largely beyond our control. Life has certainly thrown me a present a time or two which is encouraging. 

The other side of this is blaming everyone else for your problems and not taking responsibility. Which would be like saying-" I haven't vacuumed in six months but it's your fault that my place is dirty."

Don't be that person. 


Have a lovely day.


Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist



lenorafaye.com




Thursday, November 8, 2018

Why I May Never Make a Good Wife


The last two pages of my childhood diary have been left blank for the day I get engaged and the day I get married.


At 12 years old, I wrote about all the crushes I had and how much my parents annoyed me. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to get married. I decided that one day in the distant future I would let my 12 year old self know how it went.


24 years later, those pages are still blank.



Wait, wait, this isn’t a sob story. This is suppose to be funny. I laugh because I can’t imagine being married right now. My 12 year old self was curious. I can’t fault her for that. 

I looked at the last entry and it was from 10 years ago. I was 25 and about to embark on a journey that would begin in disaster.

Since I’m not interested in procreating, I don’t go out of my way to find someone who is husband material. For the record, I like both men and women but don’t label my sexuality.

I like the company of men, I feel as though I have more in common with them. A part of me wants to be a man but I was given a woman’s body and so I let it be.

I frequently say-
I’m coming back in my next life as Leonardo DiCaprio.

Excellent career, cute, gets hot girls, enjoys the freedom of being a man.



I am a cute, biracial, Canadian woman who has some money. I focus on living a good life that speaks to me and hopefully encourages a few people to go against the grain. I don’t know why I’m feeling compelled to write about relationships. It’s not like I have advice to give. I’ve never been engaged or married.

I’ve had a handful of flings and one long term relationship. I don’t date. I don’t do apps. I have a lover at the moment, because why not?

Having a career was always top priority. Being able to take care of myself made me feel accomplished. It feels natural. I like the idea of marriage after 40. I give myself a great home life. I’m financially stable, I have my own life and interests, I have no kids.


Great. I sound like someone I’d be interested in dating. 


I also need tons of alone time.
I don’t want to spend holidays with anyone’s family. No vacationing with friends. I won’t even vacation with my own friends and I love them to bits. Vacations are for me alone. 

I also like having 1400 sq feet to myself. No animals in the house. I don’t want to come home to a house full of people. My home is my sanctuary, my sacred space. It must be available to meet my need for isolation at all times.


Holy hell.


I learned a lot about myself when I was in a relationship. Everything I've just mentioned are actual discoveries. For the last four years, I’ve focused on creating my ideal home life.

I rarely feel lonely. 
I don’t get energy from people. When I socialize, I have a very big personality and by the time I get home, I’m ready to hibernate for a week or more.


My parents gave me a great example of marriage.
I disagree with a large portion of how my parents chose to raise me. However, they had a kind and caring relationship that I admired. 

My mother passed away when I was 22. She was 47, diagnosed with Lupus and it proved to be fatal.

That night after she passed, my dad shared with me and my brother how he had carried his wife (my mom) down the stairs and held her in his arms. They talked, just the two of them and agreed that things would be alright.

She was very weak, she had chosen to stay at home instead of the hospital.

I left home at 18 so I didn’t seen the decline of my mother’s health as much as my father and brother did. My mom mentioned, a lot, how patient and good my dad had been throughout her illness. 

Years later, my father said he didn’t think twice about it. She was his best friend. They had been married for 27 years. College sweethearts.

Till death.

So right there-the expectation I have of myself to be that person is so high, I fear massive failure.
I am not a caregiver. No fur babies for me and as you can see from most of my blog posts, no human babies. 

It’s not that I don’t give a shit. I’m just not called to that role.


It’s possible that 10 to 45 years from now, I will fill out those last two pages in my childhood diary.

The nice thing about life is that it gives you the chance to try things and make adjustments. I have the ability and confidence to state what I need. 

To myself, to others. I can acknowledge and share my fear of failure both in career and relationships. I can state my intentions, my hopes, my plans.

Marriage is not on my checklist of things I need. What is of importance to me is a secure and loving space to call home. Right now, I am able to give that to myself.

I can invite someone into this space, if we share a similar life vision. It’s not about getting to a 50 year anniversary or having the most spectacular, sparkling wedding. (I’ve performed at enough to know I’d elope.)

If I do become a wife, my spouse will enjoy a clean house and a delicious homemade meal. I may not be home but the personal chef and housekeeper will be.


Ha!

Have a lovely day.



Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist


Sunday, November 4, 2018

Being selfish gets a bad rap





I enjoy living alone.


This past spring, in a moment of inspiration, I began looking for a new place to live. My lease was up and the place I called home was no longer doing it for me.


I found a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom townhouse, complete with an attached garage and 4 bay windows. It reminded me of San Francisco, except for the price. Perks of living in a city on the Canadian Prairies.


The owner asked me the standard questions and when I told her I would be living here alone, she asked me what I needed three bedrooms for. I told her I needed a spare bedroom and an office.


Lined up outside, waiting to view, were young couples and some with children. I had competition. But I believed in my references and excellent credit report and so I said to myself,


“ this place is mine.”


Sure enough, a month later, I moved in.



October was the first month I actually stayed home. I’ve spent
 5 months taking road trips, because I have this fantasy of living in two different places.


I’m not domestic. I chose not to have children, but I love being an aunt. I
 learned how to clean so I keep a tidy house. I enjoy dancing in my kitchen and cooking meals for myself. When I do laundry and clean the bathrooms, I remind myself that I’m living my childhood dream of living alone.


I’ve lived alone for years, off and on since 18 but never in a place as nice as what I live in now.


I host family dinners. I have a small family-one brother, two nephews and my dad. I also have a sister in law and my dad’s wife. I don’t call her my stepmom because I was 27 when my father remarried. My mother passed away, 14 years ago.


I don’t feel bad about my lifestyle. I don’t have pets, I keep plants that need watering maybe every 2 weeks.



I put my needs first because I am the only person who is paying my bills.


The calendar on my phone has numerous dates earmarked for my nephews. Either they are visiting me for the weekend or my brother has asked me to hang out with them for the evening when he is working late.


I don’t hesitate to say yes when he asks. Not because I want to spend my evening cooking and helping with homework and making sure they get to bed on time. I say yes because I like seeing my nephews and I want to be a fantastic aunt.


When they come visit me, which is usually once a month, the kids know we will go shopping at the mall. I will take them swimming and we will eat all the foods they like to eat. In return, I get to be the fun adult without the daily responsibility.



We get jobs to pay our bills. We want a certain lifestyle and do what we must to acquire it.


People get married and have families to fulfill their needs. My needs are different. I need plenty of space to myself. I need to pursue my path. I happen to view much of domestic life as a distraction.


While I currently do my own cooking and cleaning, I have no issue with one day affording a chef and a housekeeper.


During my days as a violinist, my apartment was disgusting. I did have someone come and clean every two weeks. I didn’t know how to cook. I was too busy practicing, teaching and performing.



My joy comes from providing myself with a good life. I don’t think that is wrong.


I’ve never been a “Yes” person, I have no problem saying “No”. But then again, the people in my small social circle are all self reliant. We support one another in our aspirations but there seems to be an understanding that we are responsible for our own affairs.


I have this habit of being really social for a period of time and then disappearing for awhile.


Self preservation.


I think maybe, I’m talking a good game. Sure, I’ve spent the last 17 months doing whatever I wanted. Time and money collided so I seized the opportunity.


Prior that this, I worked 50 hours a week for five and a half years for a small company. But I enjoyed that job. It gave me what I needed while I figured out my next move after the violin career.


So while I dedicated most of my time to that job, it was really all about me. I gained a lot from that experience, not just a pay check. I’ve maintained a friendship with the owners since their retirement and I’ve been able to enjoy a year or more long vacation.


Growing up, I never viewed motherhood as something to look forward too. How happy was I when I realized I had a choice. While I do like to help people, contrary to everything I’ve said so far, I don’t enjoy the daily obligation of being legally and morally responsible for another human life.


Living a life as a non parent is judged as being selfish. Some parents get on their high horse and declare their selflessness in raising children. But they chose to raise children for their own needs.


Or if the child was an accident, declaring me selfish for not wanting children is one way to try and drag me into their misery. Most of us childfree by choice people have become aware of this tactic.


I choose to keep myself happy and healthy-well, I need to cut way back on the sugar-but I don’t surround myself with chaos.


I recently reactivated my Twitter account, after repeatedly opening the app and wondering what the hell I should have Twitter for. So I did an experiment. Instead of tweeting, I began looking for other childfree people.


I read their articles, listened to their podcasts, liked their tweets and began to engage with them. While my following is tiny, I get daily engagement back now.


For me, the whole point of writing is to share my stories in an entertaining manner. Well, that’s not the whole point. I also am desperate for content I can relate to. Many of the topics floating around, while interesting to read, I cannot relate to.


So even my writing is selfish. I still don’t feel bad about that

Thursday, November 1, 2018

Motherhood Isn’t Mandatory



Yesterday on Twitter, someone posted an article they wrote for the Huffington Post about being 40+ and childfree. 

I was excited to read it

As I continue my own writing about being childfree, I spend a lot of time reading up on the topic. Not stats and research, but personal accounts from people who share their experiences.

I initially assumed that I would be able to identify with anyone who doesn’t have children. 

That’s not the case. 

This particular article was written by a woman who has actually tried for awhile to get pregnant naturally. When it didn’t happen, she gave up.

She writes about feeling guilty for not trying harder for a child.

No adopting. 

No fertility treatments. 

She felt like she could or should have done more to bring a child into this world but she didn’t feel like it. 

I skimmed over the rest of the article, I didn’t connect with it. But it made me think.

There are a lot of people who don’t have children but a good portion have actually wanted babies at some point in time. 

I’ve always made it clear upfront that I have no interest in parenthood. I live in a country where abortions are legal and paid for. I know where the local clinic is in my city.

I am not shy about this. Mind you, I've never had a pregnancy scare. 



I think it sucks that people feel guilty about not wanting to bring a child into this world

I view parenthood as a distraction. Personally, having to focus on someone else’s needs when I have my own life path to follow just doesn’t work. 

My peers are having gender reveal parties and baby showers and getting gifts for procreating. I don't get presents for helping with crowd control. 

I've never felt this was unfair-never occurred to me, really. 

Mostly because I see the years of work ahead of new parents and I figure what's a few baby blankets and toys that make noise when you step on them in the middle of the night?

Now, I've heard from childless individuals whose parents leave money to the offspring who have children instead of it being evenly distributed. 

" Since you don't have children, you don't need as much money." 
 
  
That, I disagree with but I haven't had that experience.






I’ve had a struggle with publishing original articles this week. I gave this blog a rest as I worked on some pieces for another publication.

Feeling sluggish and unmotivated, I took a few days to putter around my townhouse and journal and watch movies. I found some new recipes to try out for dinner, did some clothes shopping and danced to music. 

Oh and carved a pumpkin for Halloween. Then I got an email notifying me of my first royalty payment for some articles I had written last month. 

Money is a great motivator.


When I set my sights on something that I want, I go after it. This year, I haven’t held a 9-5. I took some courses, got a new vehicle, a nicer place to live and tickets to see Elton John in concert. 

That was my plan for 2018.

I also got more clear on the life I want for myself for the next 4 years as well as into my 40’s.

Guess what?

It doesn’t involve a relationship or children.

Oh my god God.

I am a weird woman. I am a woman in body, sure. But I don’t connect with the image of what a women should be, according to our society. 

I have a small family-a brother, a dad, two nephews. I have fun hosting our family dinners. 

And then they leave and I get my house to myself. 

I view my intended long life as an opportunity to explore as many creative areas as I desire. And I desire a lot. 

I love business, I love having money. I love to express myself in a manner that entertains people.

That is what gets me out of bed in the morning. Not screaming children who need me to help them get ready for school. 

Although I usually wake up around the time the 9 AM school bell goes off across the park from where I live.

Screaming children galore. 

Ha!


Have a lovely day.


Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist