Thursday, April 25, 2019

Your Childfree Journey


Good day, Bitchy Readers.

Do you ever feel like a broken record when people ask you about your kids?

“I don’t have kids” you reply. 

“Why not?” they ask.

You give them whatever answer is handy. A week later, the same conversation occurs. Month after month. Year after year. 

Family. Friends. Co-workers. Strangers. 

Argh! Do people not have anything else or original to discuss? 

I get it.

I have friends with kids. Most of the conversation is about what the kids are up to. Parents don’t have anything going on that doesn’t involve their children.  

Unless they have nannies and a thriving career outside of their home. 

I stopped following on Instagram most celebrities who became parents. I’m interested in motivating posts about careers, not motherhood. 

This is how I feel on the surface. My shallow emotions. 

Deep down, I'm motivated to create a global platform. One that brings awareness to living childfree.

I could have gotten married in my 20s. Several times. Many nice guys who had marriage and family on the brain. I had no interest. I liked men but I had to explore my sexuality a lot more. 

At 36, I’m not interested in being a wife. To a man or a woman. I have embraced my desire and need for massive amounts of alone time.

I’ve embraced my role as auntie to my two nephews. 

I had a busy week. I took a last minute road trip to a mountain village I had never been to. Then I came home and hosted Easter dinner. My brother left his two kids with me for a couple of nights.

The nephews and I had a fun time. We stayed up late watching movies. We spent hours at the park. Got Slurpees, ate too much popcorn, and discussed all sorts of things about life. 

Then, I drove an hour to take them back home. And cleaned up the two bathrooms they used. Boys are gross. Even though they try to keep the toilets clean. Auntie’s house rules. Ha. 

My en-suite bathroom is off limits. For my use only. 

If you are a fencesitter or you know that you don’t want kids, focus on what brings you joy. 

It’s easy to be in defense mode because everyone wants to convert you. 

“Join our cult of parenthood”, they cry. 

There are happy parents who enjoy parenting. There are exhausted parents who love their kids but hate parenting. There are parents who lie and say how great life is. They like being seen as loving parents but that’s about it. 

You never know who you’re dealing with. The truth comes out later on.

After focusing on my nephews for over two days straight, I know I would not enjoy parenting. Yes, I would adapt and there would be aspects that I’d like, probably. 

Even in my toughest times, there is always something to enjoy. But this is my one life. 

This is your one life.

“What makes you so important that you won’t have kids?” 

Questions like these are not really about you. Rather, they speak to the mindset of those asking. Sometimes you offend people by sharing your childfree preference. 

Secure people will be supportive. That was a nice discovery. Because I speak openly about not having kids, I get a wide variety of feedback.

Some parents see the appeal. Some are horrified at me not having kids. Some have become open-minded that parenthood isn’t for everyone.  A lot of parents will say “parenthood isn’t for everyone, but.......” and give you a long list of reasons why they are glad they did it.

Most of society won't call you brave for deciding to not procreate. Society gives the bravery badge to those who speak out about infertility, miscarriages, and the stresses of parenthood. 

Choosing to not have kids is seen as selfish, lazy, and uninspired. Your reasons for being childfree fall on deaf ears. All of your efforts to better yourself and your life are deemed meaningless. Even by people who say they love you. 

There are moments when you will feel alone and unsure. But you know it's best for you. You don't have that pull, that calling, that longing to have a child. Talking about being childfree has been one of the best things I have ever done. A community has opened up. It has also allowed me to let go of certain people in my life. 

Speaking up for yourself and your life brings an adjustment period. But then, there is freedom. Freedom to make choices that better your life. Choosing for yourself builds confidence. Confidence will take you great places. 

Have a lovely day. 

Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist

Keep in touch, send me an 
email







Thursday, April 11, 2019

Confidently Childfree

Good day, Bitchy Readers.


Random acts of kindness to yourself. What are your thoughts? 

Being childfree doesn’t mean your life is leisure 24/7. Whether you are focusing on your fitness, a business, or working extra hours to afford a dream trip, there are moments when you need a time out. 

I love going to the movie theater for an escape. 

Or, on a sunny day I will take a drive to the mountains. A playlist of my favorite songs and a london fog latte. 

I’m taking some professional development courses right now. One of them is kicking my ass. Yesterday morning, I had the urge to go to the nail salon. Long overdue for a mani/pedi but this was low on my list of priorities. I had an exam to finish and a blog to work on. 

I had to remind myself that I have the freedom to drop everything and go to the nail salon on a Wednesday morning. I chose this life, I should enjoy it. 

At the salon, I struck up a conversation with the woman next to me getting a pedicure. We were discussing our traveling preferences and I mentioned that I travel alone. She didn’t bat an eye when I spoke of being childfree by choice. 

Our conversation progressed to politics as we are having an election where I live. We laughed at how neither of us enjoys talking politics. But as we were sitting in massage chairs getting our toes painted, it seemed like a safe place to share our views. It was a lovely conversation overall.

When I left the salon, I felt uplifted and energized. Bright pink toes and sparkly fingernails will do that. But what struck me the most was how normal and easy it was to say “I’m childfree” and not feel defensive about it. 

Then the unthinkable happened. I made an Instagram video. Omg! I’m not a fan of selfies so making a video is beyond my comfort zone but I found it quite therapeutic. 

It’s 7 minutes, you can listen while you work. I share my experience gaining confidence and inner peace with being childfree. 


The response has been cool and encouraging so I’ll make another one this week. I’m a natural “talker”, I just don’t like watching myself. It’s an experiment. Pushing past boundaries. 

Building confidence in any area of your life is important. When it comes to not having children, confidence helps deal with the naysayers. 

Whether by choice or circumstance, know that you are making the most of your life and abilities. Even if it’s for a moment. You can build on that moment and turn it into 5 minutes. Day in, day out, finding moments of inner peace. 

Embrace your life and your choices. People will feel your confidence.


Have a lovely day.


Sincerely,

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author 
Former Fantastic Violinist 


Stop by 
lenorafaye.com and say “hello”

Monday, April 1, 2019

Childfree Excitement in the Air




Hello, Bitchy Readers.


There is something hopeful about Spring. More daylight, the birds singing. Coming out of hibernation. Shedding the winter wardrobe and window shopping for summer sandals.

The landscapers are out today. Clearing away the dead leaves and winter sludge. All weekend, people were washing and vacuuming out their vehicles. I cleaned out my SUV last Friday. It didn't take very long, perks of being childfree.

Being open to new opportunities while working towards a specific goal is on my mind today. A year ago, I began taking a continuing education course to upgrade my bookkeeping skills. I also decided to move.

There was a level of uncertainty as to how the year would unfold. I look back now and think, why did I worry? The year was full of adventure. Lots of road trips. School gave me the challenge I needed. I moved into this lovely townhouse that I love living in.

The thought of having the same routine and life year after year holds no appeal. Yes, there are certain constants that are important. Maintaining good health. Having a place to call home. Who wants to move every year?



Reaching new levels in life requires letting go of certain thoughts. Even people. What you pay attention to is going to determine your experience. Not everyone is going to understand or offer the support you need. That's OK. 

Inspiration on what to do next happens when you are open to receiving it. The right people, the right time, the right resources will show up. 

Waking up in the morning and adjusting your attitude is a good place to start. You may not wake up happy at first. But take a look around. Find something that makes you smile. Start from there and carry on with your dreams. 


Have a lovely day.


Sincerely, 

LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist 

lenorafaye.com