Thursday, April 25, 2019

Your Childfree Journey

Good day, Bitchy Readers.

Do you ever feel like a broken record when people ask you about your kids?

“I don’t have kids” you reply. 

“Why not?” they ask.

You give them whatever answer is handy. A week later, the same conversation occurs. Month after month. Year after year. 

Family. Friends. Co-workers. Strangers. 

Argh! Do people not have anything else or original to discuss? 

I get it.

I have friends with kids. Most of the conversation is about what the kids are up to. Parents don’t have anything going on that doesn’t involve their children.  

Unless they have nannies and a thriving career outside of their home. 

I stopped following on Instagram most celebrities who became parents. I’m interested in motivating posts about careers, not motherhood. 

This is how I feel on the surface. My shallow emotions. 

Deep down, I'm motivated to create a global platform. One that brings awareness to living childfree.

I could have gotten married in my 20s. Several times. Many nice guys who had marriage and family on the brain. I had no interest. I liked men but I had to explore my sexuality a lot more. 

At 36, I’m not interested in being a wife. To a man or a woman. I have embraced my desire and need for massive amounts of alone time.

I’ve embraced my role as auntie to my two nephews. 

I had a busy week. I took a last minute road trip to a mountain village I had never been to. Then I came home and hosted Easter dinner. My brother left his two kids with me for a couple of nights.

The nephews and I had a fun time. We stayed up late watching movies. We spent hours at the park. Got Slurpees, ate too much popcorn, and discussed all sorts of things about life. 

Then, I drove an hour to take them back home. And cleaned up the two bathrooms they used. Boys are gross. Even though they try to keep the toilets clean. Auntie’s house rules. Ha. 

My en-suite bathroom is off limits. For my use only. 

If you are a fencesitter or you know that you don’t want kids, focus on what brings you joy. 

It’s easy to be in defense mode because everyone wants to convert you. 

“Join our cult of parenthood”, they cry. 

There are happy parents who enjoy parenting. There are exhausted parents who love their kids but hate parenting. There are parents who lie and say how great life is. They like being seen as loving parents but that’s about it. 

You never know who you’re dealing with. The truth comes out later on.

After focusing on my nephews for over two days straight, I know I would not enjoy parenting. Yes, I would adapt and there would be aspects that I’d like, probably. 

Even in my toughest times, there is always something to enjoy. But this is my one life. 

This is your one life.

“What makes you so important that you won’t have kids?” 

Questions like these are not really about you. Rather, they speak to the mindset of those asking. Sometimes you offend people by sharing your childfree preference. 

Secure people will be supportive. That was a nice discovery. Because I speak openly about not having kids, I get a wide variety of feedback.

Some parents see the appeal. Some are horrified at me not having kids. Some have become open-minded that parenthood isn’t for everyone.  A lot of parents will say “parenthood isn’t for everyone, but.......” and give you a long list of reasons why they are glad they did it.

Most of society won't call you brave for deciding to not procreate. Society gives the bravery badge to those who speak out about infertility, miscarriages, and the stresses of parenthood. 

Choosing to not have kids is seen as selfish, lazy, and uninspired. Your reasons for being childfree fall on deaf ears. All of your efforts to better yourself and your life are deemed meaningless. Even by people who say they love you. 

There are moments when you will feel alone and unsure. But you know it's best for you. You don't have that pull, that calling, that longing to have a child. Talking about being childfree has been one of the best things I have ever done. A community has opened up. It has also allowed me to let go of certain people in my life. 

Speaking up for yourself and your life brings an adjustment period. But then, there is freedom. Freedom to make choices that better your life. Choosing for yourself builds confidence. Confidence will take you great places. 

Have a lovely day. 


LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist

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