Sunday, May 12, 2019

A Non-Mom Sunday In May

Good day, Bitchy Readers.

I usually avoid social media on Mother’s Day. I used to post something obligatory about my late mother.

Posting about anything other than the joys of motherhood seemed wrong.

Ok, wrong is a harsh word. Inappropriate? No. I can’t think of the word that means taking away attention from someone else’s big day. It’s still early in the morning as I write this.

These days, I use my social media to support the childfree-by-choice community. Mother’s Day triggers a lot of eye rolling. Not at the efforts of mothers, but at the sentiment that motherhood is the highest purpose a woman can have.

When I set aside my squeamishness, I appreciate that the female body can create and birth life. But it’s not every woman’s path.

Since becoming active on social, I’ve thought a lot about what to post for Mother’s Day. If I should post anything at all. I’m not a fur mom. I’m close with my two nephews but I don’t view them as substitute children.

My grandmothers are gone. My three surviving aunts are also childfree. My mother and I weren’t close but we were friends by the time she passed.

I never went looking for a mother figure. My view of mothers never inspired me. I had a good mother. She stayed at home to raise my brother and me. Our dad ran a successful business.

My parents set the bar for marriage so high that I don’t know if I want to make that attempt.

My parents didn’t come from happy homes and they worked hard to create a harmonious environment. But I’m my own person and didn’t follow along to blend in. My brother was a better child.

And now he has two accidental children of his own. A single dad to boys. They live with him full time.

I’m not looking for a way to celebrate Mother’s Day. I love my peaceful Sundays. As I sip my morning coffee, I look out my balcony to the church behind my townhouse. I grew up religious. We met in select homes for our Sunday and Wednesday services. Churches were for false prophets.

These days, I view churches as peaceful. Not because I believe in religion. I’m agnostic now. A large cross (a cell tower in disguise) greets me when I look out my home office bay window. The sunrise and sunset make it glow

I find the view comforting. It also makes me laugh, considering my upbringing.

But I digress.

Motherhood is a real thing. It’s valued, admired, underappreciated in a real way. There are plenty of pretty prose about the joys of motherhood. I like reading mommy confession websites. Where the truth comes out.

My epiphany happened at 22 years old. My mother died that year. My 19-year-old brother announced his ex-girlfriend was pregnant with his child. My focus was on my violin career and I had rejoined my childhood religion.

There was a lot going on.

And then it occurred to me that I had a choice.

I did not have to be a mother.
That was 14 years ago.

So today, like every day, I celebrate my choice to be childfree. I live life on my terms. I celebrate being alive in a time where I can be open about how I live and why.

I’m also super excited for tonight’s penultimate episode of Game of Thrones.

That is what made me not dread this Mother’s Day. Maybe Cersei will get her due. Or maybe she’s meant for the Iron Throne.

Not my preference.

Have a lovely day.


LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author 
Former Fantastic Violinist 

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