Friday, February 28, 2020

Will You Have Regrets?

Greetings, Bitchy Readers!

This week's guest post comes from Leana Delle -- author, speaker, and host of the podcast "Girlfriend, We Need to Talk".  

You’re just not feeling that instinct (of the maternal variety), and you’ve mentioned to your friends that you don’t think you’ll have children. Or, God forbid, you’ve told your parents. Reactions? They can vary, but most often you’re subjected to eyebrow raises and some pretty bazaar questioning:

Aren’t you being selfish?

Don’t you want someone to look after you when you’re old?

Won’t your parents/friends be disappointed?
Aren’t you afraid you’ll regret it someday?

Most of these questions can be fielded with little effort, in part because logic didn’t go into the formation of them. But the one about regrets? That one can inspire agonizing reflection and lingering self-doubt.

I’m here to tell you that the odds of regrets showing up to haunt you later in life are slim, and I’m speaking from experience.

As a teen, I knew that if I were to have kids, it wouldn’t happen until my thirties. When I reached my thirties, I knew I wouldn’t have them at all. I’m now in my late fifties, and nothing about not having children has been a disappointment to me.

It’s also important to note that my parents didn’t pressure. And it is exactly that, my friends. “Pressure” to provide them with something they want. Let’s call a spade a spade. 

Also, my biological clock never ticked. Not once. Not even in the presence of a pretty big snooze button. And to this day, I never look at babies and wonder what could have been – not from the perspective of a non-parent or a non-grandparent. Nothing. Nada. And I like kids! The misconception that not having them equates to some level is disdain is ludicrous.

Most women who choose not to have children have an inner knowing from the start, and it’s as natural an instinct as wanting to be a mother is for others. Ignoring either is where the problem lies, especially if it’s done on the guise of pleasing a partner. I’ve known several moms who have confided after the fact that they never felt maternal and that their children, as much as they truly do love them, have held them back. Far more common are the millions who feel that their children are their greatest fulfillment; something they knew would be the case long before conception. And I say, thank God for them! Great moms are a literal godsend, but it’s not for everyone.

It’s important to me that you know you’re not alone in potentially not wanting to be a mother. And it’s even more important that you know that there are women out there, like me, who have never regretted their decision. Maybe this will help squelch any future nights of agonizing, or ease the burden of defending your position to others. 

Maybe it will bring you peace.

Just know that your decision should be your decision, and if it’s heartfelt and genuine, you’re on your truest path. And, believe it or not, there are potential partners out there who feel the same way you do.

This is not a post aimed at discouraging women from having babies. Not even. My aim is respect for individual choice. It’s brave to admit you want to do something out of the ordinary, and I admire that strength. It’s also extremely brave to raise children, and I greatly admire that, as well.

Stand tall and claim your path, regardless of which speaks to you. As long as you’re hearing your heart’s desire and living life to the fullest, regrets won’t find you in old age.

I’m Leana Delle. I’m 58. I have no regrets.

VoyageDallas Magazine: Meet Leana Delle!

Thank you, Leana, for these words of encouragement. To know there are other childfree women who are living fully, without regret, adds to my own peace of mind. Bitchy Readers, check out the conversation between Leana and me on her podcast!  

Girlfriend, We Need to Talk-hosted by Leana Delle
Are people who don’t have children selfish? Do they have something against kids? Are they destined for a lifetime of regret? LeNora Faye and myself are all in on answering these questions and more.

Chat soon, 

LeNora Faye
The Bitchy Bookkeeper
Co-host of Childfree Girls
Author of Childfree Journals

Guest childfree blog posts are always welcome.

Contact us at:  info at lenorafaye dot com

The Bitchy Bookkeeper Journal Vol  1

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