Wednesday, January 15, 2020

The Awkward Infertile

Hello, Bitchy Readers! 

Today I have the pleasure of introducing Casey, aka The Awkward Infertile, as our first guest blogger. Read her wonderful post below! 

Sometimes the choice to be childfree isn’t a direct path. I know most of the readers in the Bitchy Bookkeeper community have never had the desire to have kids and I commend you for knowing that. I’m here for a slightly different demographic today. Those that thought they wanted kids but ended up without (and those sitting on the fence might appreciate this too). Often we refer to ourselves as “childfree not by choice.”

That’s the category I fit in. My husband and I went through a ton of failed fertility treatments and after 3+ years, 4 losses, and an obscene amount of money we decided to move on in life childfree not by choice. It’s been just shy of 2 years since we made that decision and I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.

First, I want to take a second and talk about the “childfree not by choice” label. 

You see this term a lot in the infertility communities as a way to acknowledge we can’t have kids. I recently started an Instagram community called The Awkward Infertile. In one of my posts I mentioned, I’m childfree not by choice and immediately got a commenter saying that’s not a thing, I’m just childless. Which is also true, I am childless just like ya’ll. We use this term to show that it’s ok to end treatments without a kid. That maybe we didn’t choose to be childfree, but we’re ok with it. 

Childless implies loss and sadness. 

Childfree implies freedom and fun. 

Childfree not be choice implies I didn’t outright pick this but I’m gonna love life despite it.

I found Bitchy Bookkeeper on Instagram when we were getting near the end of our treatment options and I was rapidly facing a life without kids. I found humor and reassurance that life would be just fine without kids. I know I’m not the only infertile that follows her either.

As I followed her and others in the childfree community something clicked for me:

Having kids vs not having kids isn’t an equation of a better vs worse life. They are just two completely different paths.

Once that really settled into my brain I became so much more at ease, and dare I say, excited about not having kids. Sure, I still grieve my miscarriages and wonder about the life we’d planned. But now we have 2 amazing dogs, I run 2 businesses I love, and we’re looking at doing a cross-country move simply because we can.

There are different freedoms and life options that come from not deciding things with tiny humans to consider.

The house we currently live in was picked thinking we’d have 3 kids and we wanted to raise them in this town. I doubt we would have bought this house if we knew we were never having kids. The freedom for me to build my businesses, nap and play with my dogs as I work from home, and for us to pick a new city to move to all would not be possible if infertility treatments had worked for us.

The grand point I’m trying to make is life will be ok no matter the outcome. If you’re still on the fence about having kids, or if you’re neck-deep in infertility treatments looking for hope when treatment options run out, I’m here to tell you: life without kids is good. 

As I have learned to embrace our childfree life, I realize there are not a lot of resources for those in the infertility world that either doesn’t end up with a baby or that mostly focused on the grief.

I want to create a space and voice for those women who made the choice to be childfree after having had other plans. I want to create a space where we can also celebrate and enjoy the perks of a childfree life. That’s my hope and plans for The Awkward Infertile

I know myself and my community don’t straight up fit in around here, but I’m so thankful to LeNora for letting me write this post. Sometimes the choice to be childfree isn’t a clear-cut decision we’ve known our whole lives, and that’s ok. Even if it took you a while to find yourself here it’s still gonna be a great life. 

 If you’ve struggled with infertility, are now childfree not by choice, or nearing the end of treatment options, please follow me over at I’m just a DM away.

Cheers to being childfree.

aka The Awkward Infertile

The Bitchy Bookkeeper Journal Vol 1 - available on Amazon now!
Thank you, Casey, for sharing your story. I'm humbled that you found some inspiration from The Bitchy Bookkeeper during a challenging time. 

Let's keep the conversation going, Bitchy Readers. Share this post on social and connect with The Awkward Infertile.

Chat soon, 

LeNora Faye
The Bitchy Bookkeeper
Co-host of Childfree Girls
Author of Childfree Journals

Guest childfree blog posts are always welcome.

Contact us at:  info at lenorafaye dot com

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