Tuesday, September 4, 2018

How Old Am I?

My inner child is very happy today. The first day of school and she gets to hang out at the lakeside pool while everyone is back at work. And lunch at the golf course. 

We both have decided to dedicate the rest of 2018 to writing. 

As in posting 5 times a week, not only on this blog but for various other publications that have a  much larger reach. 

This is both a challenge and a thrill for me. 

After all, anything worth doing takes time and effort. I didn’t learn how to play the violin or piano in a week. 

I spent this September long weekend reading dozens of articles and blogs from a diverse group of people.

A black trans female living in San Francisco.

A 25-year-old white guy from Beverly Hills.

An elderly activist who grew up with Natalie Cole and Stevie Wonder.

 A woman who spends her days reading online restaurant menus and fantasizing about food.

I was fascinated by these vastly different characters and the insights they offered. The woman living in San Francisco painted a very real and dark picture of a city I have recently explored. 

It made me think very carefully about how I would describe San Francisco to someone who has never visited. 

After all, I spared no expense and enjoyed the touristy and nicer aspects of the city. I avoided much of the areas that represent the reality for those who live there and are not Mark Zuckerberg-Facebook creator. 

I then came across what appeared to be an inspirational article about alone time. 

The title was snappy and I thought 'oh look, another person who understands the joys of alone time and all the benefits one receives from peace and quiet.'

So I nestled into the couch and began to read. 

The author starts off describing the young nurse who is taking her temperature-youthful, glowing skin with earrings and nail polish that match her blouse. The author then describes her own mildly unkempt appearance and ragged nails and dull skin. 

The author is about to head out of town for a two-month writing retreat and has to fend off unsolicited advice about being single and childless, as she battles her own insecurities of aging.

Now, at this point, I am thinking to myself, ok, this woman is in her mid 50's and has the financial wherewithal to do what she loves, but this article feels a bit depressing. 

And then I read the next paragraph.  

This woman isn't 55, she's 36. 


I put down my phone and blinked rapidly for a moment before finishing the article. 

Was it just me or did this article make being single and childless sound like a slow, painful death?  

Slow....painful... death.

Today I took a drive along an orchard road,  picked a few apples and stopped in at a tiny cemetery. I then ate lunch at a golf course and spent an hour in the pool, enjoying the sun. 

A woman my age-mid 30's- with three children under the age of 10 entered the pool area. The older kids jumped in and the little girl sat on the lounge chair with her mom.  I stayed in the water a while longer and observed, as I usually do when people are in my line of vision. 

I watch people all the time. How they interact with one another, what they talk about. I'm always listening. I usually learn something. 

I listened to the mom interact with her kids, the kids interacting with each other and then another couple and their dog showed up and joined the conversation.

The conversation was about daycare.  


Hell, the retired lady golfers at lunch were discussing California vacation spots and shopping with their husbands.

Way more interesting to listen to. 

But then they talk about all the pills they have to take each morning and get discussing menopause and bowel movements and while all of this information is very useful for me to know, I don't want to be involved in endless conversations about it.

Truth is, I feel really good about my life and how I'm living it.

I don't bury my head in the sand, I have a last will and testament. I prepare for the worst and hope for the best and I enjoy the hell out of my daily life. 

My focus is on how I can be useful and still enjoy all the freedom I have chosen to embrace. 

I wish everyone felt the way that I do, but then everyone says that and we are all in the mess that we are because we want to force our ideals on others. 

So go back to whatever it is you are doing and I will enjoy my life in peace. 


Have a good day at school and work, I'm going for a walk. 


LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist

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