Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Choosing My Path

Sometimes you don't want to relive painful personal memories. It doesn't have to be traumatic in a newsworthy sense. It can be a personal failure that is a source of embarrassment to you. No one may remember it, but your lovely mind goes

"Hey! Remember that time you did this.. and you made a complete fool of yourself? Remember that? Huh? Huh? Bet you feel like a loser."

A decade ago, I was smack in the middle of nothing. I was shedding my musical identity, shedding my religion, shedding my debt, shedding my entire life. 

I just didn't know it was happening. 

I was trying something new, I wanted to create a different life. But I was trying to create a different life by doing the same things I had been doing every day for the last 10 years. 

Just in a different location. 

I am a creature of habit. I will happily try different restaurants but order the same thing. Ham and pineapple pizza, or pancakes with strawberries. If it's Vietnamese food, it's always grilled lemongrass beef on vermicelli noddles. 

It took very deliberate action to learn how to keep a clean house, how to save money, how to spend money in a meaningful way. 

It takes very deliberate action to design my own path. 

I used to look at other people and go " ok, they are doing this and this and this and seem happy". And then I dig a bit deeper and find out that they aren't living the life they wanted at all. They are just making the situation work for them. 


Crap happens and adjustments have to be made. And as I dig deeper into my own life, I realize that 10 years ago, I clearly didn't want to continue to live the life I had. 

I had my dream career, I was an upstanding member of my religious organization. I was also in debt and bored with living for an afterlife I didn't necessarily believe in. 

So I had to stop the train and get off and head in a different direction. 

One that maybe looked odd..

No kids
No spouse
No credit card debt/student loan debt/$574,000 mortgage debt 
No pets
No potential future grandkids
No 50th anniversary

"LeNora! What kind of life are you living??"

Here is a hard lesson that I would have to tell my 13-year-old self. 

Your life is not going to be what you think it's going to be.  Because you chose something different. And it led you to discover something different. Different is the keyword. 

And sometimes it sucks because... well... does it suck? I want to give an example of how it sucks, trying to be vulnerable here. 

It's rare for me to have a conversation with someone my age, women my age, because most of them are raising children, or married or desperately seeking to be. 

Most of my face to face conversations are with older men and women who have been there done that and are willing to speak openly and honestly about their life choices. But as I'm in my 30's, I cannot yet relate to their level aside from having the freedom to do what I want. 

Therefore, I am so comfortable being alone because I like my own company and I relate well to myself and I have excellent conversations with me.

So, today's lesson, boys and girls, is 

Don't be in a rush. YOU is always changing. (Yes, I mean to say "is".)

But know what you DON'T want and WHY you don't want it. 

That really helps your future self. 

Have a lovely day, 


LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper
Almost an Author
Former Fantastic Violinist

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