Tuesday, September 11, 2018

My Life Without Kids

Life is not a one size fits all. 

Unless I scroll through the hundreds of back to school photos and pictures of all the newborns that were birthed this summer. 

Then it can feel as though everybody has the same life.

I came back to the city for my father’s birthday dinner, which I happily hosted. And for my final dental appointment of the year. The amount of money I’ve spent on dental is ridiculous but worth it.

I currently live out the fantasy of having a townhouse in the city and access to a lakeside cabin I can escape to when I feel like a break.

I’ve been home a week and cannot seem to settle into a routine. So today, I phoned to see if the lake property is available for one more trip before it gets winterized.

I’m packing a suitcase-I left it out on my bedroom floor just in case.

I have two weeks before the BC law says I have to put on winter tires. 

I recently found out that a long time family friend is ill and not expected to make it. I worry that he will pass before I get home. That is one funeral I would be willing to attend. 

But I know he wouldn’t want me sitting around at home, waiting for him to die before I take another road trip.

I prefer to travel when everyone else is in school and at work. Although, hanging out with the masses reminds me why I make the life choices that I do.

I don’t shy away from thinking about my deathbed, 60 years from now. Death doesn’t worry me. I got over that after my own mother died.

I make sure all of my affairs are in order before I take a trip. 

As I write this, I remind myself that I’m halfway through my 30’s. 

Given my life choices, I am not in a rush. I have no biological clock ticking, my childhood idea of falling in love after 40 has potential but it’s not mandatory. I do not lead a lonely life.

I have zero cats.

That’s another thing I wish childfree people would get over. Pets are time-consuming and expensive too. Like children.

But that is just me being intolerant of anything that is not self-sufficient.

I am a long term planner, I do not act spontaneously very often.

I don’t get caught up in the moment looking at a cute baby going “oh I want one now.”

I’ve always looked at the long term care and costs and my own experiences being a child.

There was one instance when my oldest nephew was born. His parents were young and I thought to myself, “if it came down to it, I could adopt him to help out.”

But luckily, I didn’t have to. My two nephews are a big part of my life and I get the best of both worlds being an aunt. 

I can decide to take another two weeks to travel and enjoy the fall scenery. 

I wake up when I feel like it and I spend my days doing all the things I enjoy. 

I can try something and fail. I can try something else and succeed.
I never wanted to sacrifice myself to give someone else the experiences I never had. I want to give myself those experiences. 

I live in a time and a place where I alone, get to decide what is best for me. I don’t take this privilege lightly. Because once it’s gone....

With that, I go finish packing. 

Have a lovely day,


LeNora Faye
Bitchy Bookkeeper 
Almost an Author 
Former Fantastic Violinist 

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